Nearly everyday I get coffee at my schools coffee shop. One day last week, the guy who usually take my order wrote a note on the side that said " You have lovely smile". What is the next step I should take with this? Should I say something to him the next time he takes my order or just let it go? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do in any relationship. If you’re interested, you can follow-up in some way; if not, then you don’t have to. The key is to be open and clear with the person so you avoid misunderstandings.

You might find it helpful to take some time to think about what you want to do. It’s always beneficial to be yourself, be friendly and move at your own pace. It’s also OK to just get to know someone as a friend before making any major decisions. Remember that you deserve to proceed in any way that makes you comfortable and helps you take care of yourself. Take care.

i've been seeing this guy recently and we've considered being in a relationship but, a girl that he had a history with (but never made it official as she was embarassed by him) has now admitted to loving him.. a few weeks before she was telling me to get together with him but now shes saying she loves him and cries whenever she sees us together! i suggested we should do what makes us happy but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings and won't be in a relationship with me.. what should i/we do?! :( — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to be in a relationship when the person you’re with isn’t completely available or someone else is involved in some way. You might find it helpful to talk with the people involved in a calm and kind way. Ask them questions and figure out what they are thinking. Listen to them and tell them what you think as well. Keep it brief and friendly.

The more you know about what each of them thinks the easier it will be for you to determine your next step. You can’t do anything about how they behave but you can decide what’s best for you. Keep in mind that it’s always beneficial to be with someone who is completely there for you and able to commit to you. You’re worth it. Take care.

My boyfriend of 5 years recently ended our relationship. His reasons are still unclear and he won't be honest or doesn't know how he feels. It feels like I'm in limbo when it comes to our future together (he said things weren't over). I no longer know what to do. I feel that ending all contact with him would be best (delete him of my friends lists and such) and just get over him. Should I try to talk to him or should I just go awol on him? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to make sure you take care of yourself in any relationship. You get to decide how you want to be treated and what kind of relationship you want. You might want to ask yourself a couple of questions to clarify your next step, such as:

  • What can I do to take care of myself?
  • What decision can I make that would affect my life most positively?
  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What kind of person do I want to be with?
  • What does his behavior pattern tell me?
  • What am I doing to celebrate how wonderful I am?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually figure out what you want to do. If you’re still unclear (and if you want to) you can talk with him kindly and calmly and ask him questions. Make sure to listen without reacting negatively or interrupting, just learn about his perspective.

In a healthy relationship, people tell each other what’s going on and don’t leave each other hanging. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and communicates openly. Take care.

im dating this guy he my first real long relantionship, next month is gonna be our one year, i lost my V to him & he met my family & we hang out everyday, his dad past away on our 9th month he says to me im the only thing that keeps him going & he always puts himself down, how ugly,fat,&dirty looking he is(he dark) & i start to see things that i dont like about him that it annoys me like the way he eats,sloppy & his body hurts alot, he only 20 & im 18, so far what do u think about my situation? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea for both people in a relationship to feel good about themselves first so that they can be there for each other. You can’t change how he feels about himself, he will need to work on that on his own, preferably with a therapist. He might consider finding a therapist he’s comfortable with and talking about his issues so he can heal and discover how great he is.

It’s up to you what you want to do and how you celebrate the wonderful things about you. You decide what kind of relationship you want to be in and with what type of person. Keep in mind that it’s beneficial to be in a relationship that helps you feel great and move your life in a positive direction. It’s hard to have a relationship where you take care of someone else because it leaves little or no time for you to take care of yourself.

You might want to take some time to think about what you need and what you want to say to your boyfriend. Then you can have some kind and calm conversations where you tell him what you need and listen to him. The idea is to learn about each other and figure out what your next step is. You might both think in terms of getting as healthy and balanced as possible on your own before continuing to build a relationship.

Remember that you both deserve to feel great about yourselves and be in a relationship that makes you happy. Take care.

I'm currently dating a guy who i really enjoy spending time with because he's overall a really awesome guy. His the first guy who has been interested in me since my ex and the only guy who has paid me any attention other then friends. I'm not sure how he feels about me but im too scared to ask in fear that he thinks i'll be moving along to fast but i really like him and i want things to move along a little, his always very flirtatious and i don't know if i can trust him but i want too. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to get to know someone well in a relationship so you’re comfortable asking them or telling them whatever you want. You might find it helpful to continue spending time with him and getting to know him. Ask him questions, listen to him and tell him about yourself.

Over time you’ll reach a point where you’ll know him well enough that it won’t be difficult to tell him how you feel. You’ll also be building the relationship as you go along. The idea is to just be comfortable around the person so you can talk about anything.

It’s also OK for you to tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t feel the same way, you’re still the same great person and you can find someone who likes you romantically. If he likes you, then you both get to decide what the next step is. Remember that you deserve to tell people how you feel and be with someone who appreciates the amazing person you are. Take care.

So I am in a very confusing situation. There's a girl I liked a lot, but because she got a boyfriend I had to somehow control my feelings, and I managed to do it. She was my friend before I began liking her, so when I told her how I felt things became very awkard between us, and when she began dating a friend I had to supress my feelings. And because we are in many classes together we became better friends. Until some days ago she told me I was her best friend, even thoug she knows I like her... — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to like someone who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s up to you what you do in any relationship but it’s always a good idea to treat yourself well. You can’t control what she does but you can decide what you want to do.

You have at least three choices:

  1. Keep being a good friend to her without expecting it to turn romantic.
  2. Move on and find someone who likes you romantically.
  3. Stop having contact with her.

Take some time to think about what you want to do. While you’re deciding what your next step is, make sure you celebrate who you are and do things you love doing. Hang out with your friends or make some new ones. Discover how great you are on your own. The healthier and happier your life is, the better your chance of attracting someone who appreciates the real you.

Remember that you’re a great person and you deserve to be with someone who loves you back. Take care.

Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about two months and we both want to go a little further in the physical aspect of our relationship, but he doesn't arouse me enough to make me forget my shyness before moving onto the next step. What do I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the most positive things you can do in any relationship is move at your own speed and only do things that you’re comfortable doing. You get to decide what’s appropriate for you and how you take care of yourself. The idea is to always move in a direction that helps you live a great life.

You might think about talking about things. Talk calmly and kindly with each other, ask each other questions and listen to one another so you can learn about what’s going on in each of your minds. The more you understand each other, the easier it will be to work through these types of situations. It’s always beneficial to talk calmly about things before you jump into anything.

As you gather more information you’ll be able to make a decision what’s right for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who values your needs and communicates openly. Take care.