my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.

You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings. 

You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.

It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.

I'm on LDR with my boyfriend, now it's about 2 weeks. We used to virtual sex everyday since week 2, by video I made. But I live with my parents, sometimes I just can't let my voice out, too erotic, or too long because afraid my parents would come inside. Before today, I used to do it offline, you know, made the video in the right time and sent it to him. And today, he wants it online by skype, I just can do it about 5 minutes, and he gets pissed off, and mad at me. Is it really my fault? :( — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. In any relationship, it’s important that you only do things you are comfortable with. It’s also a good idea to never produce any video that could come back to haunt you in the future.

You get to choose what you want to do in a relationship. You set your own limits and boundaries, not someone else. You might try to have some calm and kind conversations where you talk with your boyfriend about what’s on your mind and listen to him as well. Let him know what you need and listen to his needs as well. The idea is to find something that works for both of you; where you both feel good about it. Try not to settle for anything you don’t want, make sure you’re comfortable with the result.

Take some time to talk about the situation. You can’t do anything about how he reacts but you can ask him for what you need. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you do what you think is appropriate and positive and the other person works with you to find solutions you’re both happy with. Take care.

I waited too long to the boy I like that I like him. We were dating casually for a couple of months and then he started acting very distant. I know it's my fault for not working hard enough to show him how much I care, and now he has a girlfriend. Part of me wants to vocalize how I feel, but I don't want to rock the boat with him and his new girlfriend. Should I tell him how I feel or should I just let it be? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It hurts to have to let go of someone. There’s not much you can do once someone is in another relationship but you can take some time to think about what happened. Examine what worked and what didn’t and what you might do differently in the future.

Take some time to heal, do things you love and figure out who you are. Hang out with your friends and make some new ones. Participate in activities you enjoy. Talk to people you trust. Plan your future without a significant other.

Once some time has passed you’ll have a clearer idea of who you are and what you want to do with the rest of your life. The main thing is to take care of yourself and do things that help you feel great.

As you get stronger, happier and healthier you’ll attract people who like you for who you are. Regardless of what he decides to do in the future, you’ll be a great person who is moving in a positive direction. Take care.

Me and my girlfriend feel we are in love. We started as bestfriends and it turned into love as all boy/girl relationships end. But recently, we've been arguing a lot. It's almost tearing us apart. /: But she doesn't want to leave me, and I don't want to leave her, she wants to be happy with me and us. The fights are almost always my fault.. what can I do to not cause them? I know how to make her happy, I just want to stop causing unneccasry stress to her. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. A lot of fights happen because we react to what other people do or say. You might find it helpful to consciously stop yourself from reacting to things she says or does and simply watch what she’s doing or listen to her. Realize that her behaviors are hers and not yours.

It’s hard to hold back at first, especially when you feel you have to defend something or fight back. Keep practicing not reacting until you get good at it. Every time you feel like you have to fight just stop yourself from doing it. At the beginning it will feel strange but, over time, you’ll get better at it.

As you get calmer and listen to your girlfriend you’ll be setting a positive example of how to behave calmly and kindly in a relationship. You’ll also be taking care of yourself because you won’t be getting into fights as much. Remember that fights only happen if you agree to participate in them. Take care.

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so I've beentalking to this guy for about a month now & we kiss and call each other babe but aren't official because I don't want to rush to fast. today I was really horny and I've been sexually frustrated so we decided to do it. he wasn't even hard for me and he kept saying "omg I'm so sorry idk why it's not getting hard" I told him that it was my fault then he told me that he respects me to much maybe that's why. is this true I'm so confused :'( do guys not get hard because they rly like a grl — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. There are a whole range of psychological and physiological reasons for why things work or don’t. Neither of you needs to worry excessively about it and neither of you is at fault. You might find it helpful to simply talk calmly and kindly about how you’re feeling and listen to each other.

The idea is to create an environment where you’re both comfortable. If you have specific medical or psychological questions you might find it helpful to talk with a doctor or psychologist in your area. You can even do research online and learn together. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open and gather information.

Also remember that it’s OK for each of you to go at a pace that is comfortable for you. You also don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Take care.