I've been out with quite a few people, but recently I went out with the best guy ever, he was the first person I actually LOVED rather than just liked.. he dumped me, and now I can't seem to get over him. we never text anymore either. I want to start talking again but I don't know how to do it subtly — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up of a meaningful relationship. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want to tell him and let him know you’re open to talking. Then let go and give him time to think.

One of the biggest lessons in any relationship is that you can’t control what someone else thinks or does, all you can do is behave in a way that helps you treat yourself well and moves your life in a positive direction. It’s OK to offer to talk things over with him. If he comes around, that’s great; if he doesn’t, it gives you the opportunity to focus your energy elsewhere. Don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way and do things that build you up without a significant other.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is willing to work on things and wants to spend time with you. You’re worth it. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

My long term boyfriend and I love each other very much and we want to get married, but we're very different. Our personalities are completely opposite as well as our lifestyles, and we don't even have any of the same hobbies or taste in things. As we're entering our mid twenties and becoming who we're going to be in life, we're realizing that we're like a bird and a fish who can't find a place to live. Would it just be a lifetime of disappointing compromising if we married? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you need in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, the people involved tend to have a lot of things in common and give each other space to pursue individual interests.

There are no absolute rules as to what works for everyone in a relationship except that it’s a good idea to be your true selves and treat each other well. You might want to think about what’s important to you and ask yourself some questions like:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What are the qualities that are essential for a significant other to have?
  • What are the deal breakers?
  • What’s positive in my current relationship and what’s missing? How will each affect my long-term happiness?
  • Do I want to be with someone who shares a lot of interests with me?
  • What would I need to do to build a deep, meaningful relationship?
  • Is it important to me to have the same hobbies or taste?
  • What would need to happen to make sure we have a positive relationship?

Before even thinking about marriage it’s important to have all the building blocks of a healthy relationship in place, such as: communication, shared interests, mental health, career, financial stability, love, trust, empathy and compatibility. You get to decide if you have a solid foundation with the person or what you need to do to get there.

You get to make your own decisions based on what’s important to you. Think of what you need in order to treat yourself well and live a deeply fulfilling life. There’s no rush, talk calmly and kindly with each other and take your time to learn about each other. The more you talk the clearer idea you’ll have of what’s best for both of you.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who you’re very certain is the right person for you. Take care.

So I like one of my guy friends and he likes me back but he said he's not ready for a relationship yet. The problem is that he may have commitment problems because he has never been in a relationship before. How do I handle this or what should i do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to get to know someone really well before considering starting a relationship. That includes being aware of their behavior patterns because, the way they’ve behaved in the past is likely what they’ll do in the future.

Think about what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. You might consider whether you want to go out with someone who says he’s not ready for a relationship and has never had one. It’s up to you what you do but it’s always a good idea to build relationships with people who are ready to commit to you and treat you wonderfully.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who understands how valuable you are and is willing to build a meaningful relationship with you. Take care.