I have been off and on with the same guy for the past year. In June I found out I was pregnant but eventually chose abortion after pressure from him. Just a week after that, I found out he had been cheating on me with random guys from Craigslist. We just broke up for the final time a few days ago and he said it's because I just didn't love him. I forgave him for every infidelity he had (which continued after we broke up) and after he primarily wanted abortion. Could I really have loved him more? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the most important lessons in any relationship is that you can’t do anything about someone else’s behavior, no matter how much you love them. That means that you can only control your behavior and you get to choose how you move forward. The key is to make sure you treat yourself well and learn from your experiences. You might want to ask yourself a couple of questions so you can reach a point where you feel OK, such as:
- What worked in the situation?
- What didn’t work?
- What signals were there that I would watch out for in the future?
- What would I do differently in the future?
- What am I going to do to take care of myself?
- What am I going to do to build myself up?
- How am I going to celebrate myself and how great I am?
- What am I doing to plan the rest of my life?
Once you do some careful thinking about questions like these you can move on to ask yourself what kind of relationships you want in the future and what kind of people you want to be with.
Remember to give yourself a chance to heal and discover how amazing you are without a significant other. It’s always a positive idea to do things to love yourself. You’re worth it. Take care.
My boyfriend&I have been going a for about a year. As our relationship grew, so did how i thought about everything I take the most simple thing and turn it into something completely out of content or just so much more complex then it should be. I overthink everything. I know that if i want my relationship to last I need to get rid of that habit I trust my boyfriend so much and he is loyal, but my habit of over thinking makes me think differently it brings out all my insecurities. how can i stop? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the keys to a great relationship is to love yourself first. When you love who you are you’ll be so comfortable with yourself that you won’t be insecure about things.
You might take some time to think about what is causing your over thinking and insecurity. Ask yourself questions such as:
- What is causing my over thinking and insecurity?
- What events in my life led to the way I think now?
- What is really happening in my relationship?
- What might not actually be happening?
- What is likely to happen in my relationship if I continue thinking like this?
- What is unlikely to happen?
- What am I doing to help myself be the happiest and most balanced person possible?
- What am I doing to make sure I’m happy on my own outside of a romantic relationship?
- Which of my behaviors make me happy and which don’t?
- Which behaviors would I change to feel happier?
- What am I willing to do to work on my over thinking and insecurity?
The idea is to think carefully about the reasons behind the over thinking and do other things that lead you in a positive direction. You might consider giving yourself the gift of talking with a therapist so you can learn how to deal with these thoughts and feelings and celebrate how great you are. It’s a way of treating yourself well.
You get to decide how you behave in any relationship and how you take care of yourself. Remember that you deserve to feel secure about yourself and others and enjoy positive relationships. Take care.
The Relationship Situation
i don’t feel as if I’m good enough for her, I’m just not good enough, but i love her more than anything, so when she realizes she can do better and she leaves for better, what do i do, i feel so distressed
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s normal to wonder to what degree someone else likes you in a relationship. The key is to keep a balance between what you think might happen and what is actually happening.
You might find it helpful to take some time to make a list of the things that are going positively and negatively in the relationship. Ask yourself questions like, “What’s really going on in my relationship and what’s going on in my head?”
The idea in any relationship is to enjoy the time you have with the other person. You can do that by focusing on the positive things about you and her. The good news is that you can find balance within yourself. It takes practice but you can build your self-esteem so that you focus on the great things about you. The way to do that is to find out who you are. Do things you love, plan your future, hang out with friends, study, learn, exercise and do things that help you build yourself up.
The more you love yourself the easier it will be to love someone else without worries. Everyone deserves to feel secure and that feeling comes from within you. As you continue to discover who you are an do positive things you’ll find that you’re a wonderful person who deserves to love and be loved. Take care.
I've liked this guy for ages, and recently decided I needed to stop being so defensive & talk to him, and he's giving back good signs, but our conversations which are mainly online are a bit awkward. I know he flirts with other girls, & Idek but any sort of perceivable interaction he has with the opposite sex (excepting girls I'm friends with) makes me feel.. not jealous.. but I think just mega insecure? and I don't know how to get over it? & how turn our nameless 'thing' into a 'actual' thing? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You might find it helpful to talk with him as if you were just making friends. Hang out with him, ask him questions and talk about things you enjoy. You don’t have to talk with him any certain way or be perfect, just be yourself.
If he’s interested you’ll eventually know; if he’s not, then you can find someone who feels the same way about you. Either way, you’re still a great person. The other thing you might do is tell him how you feel and what you’re thinking about. It’s OK if you don’t say it perfectly, all that matters is being yourself.
Insecurity and jealousy come from inside you. Those type of feelings tend to go away the more you know and love yourself and just behave like yourself. You’re a valuable person and there are people out there who would be happy to be in your life. All you have to do is be yourself and do things you love.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who likes the real you and appreciates who you are. Take care.
