The Relationship Situation

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for almost two years. We were long distance for a while but now we go to the same school and live down the street from each other. Over Christmas break, he started changing and becoming different when he drank. He gets kinda mean sometimes and says rude things to me and sometimes even acts like I just don’t even exist! He says he has thoughts of cheating on me when he drinks but when he’s sober knows he never would. Could this mean he’s not happy anymore?

We’ve had discussions about it and he’s said that he loves me both sober and drunk but last time he was drunk he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I brought it up to him the next day and he said “I wish I thought that sober.” Because he says he actually doesn’t see the future at all, not just with me but he can’t even picture where he’ll be in five years. It’s really exhausting and feels like a dead end but I love him

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. Alcohol us (or abuse) is a serious issue in any relationship, especially when it affects people negatively. You might want to do some research online on alcohol abuse or alcoholism for more information on how people behave when they abuse alcohol. Look for websites related to hospitals, health organizations, universities or other official entities, they’ll provide you with accurate information.

In a healthy relationship, the people involved can use alcohol responsibly (or not consume it at all if they wish) and there aren’t any negative effects. They also treat each other with care and respect. You might want to take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated.

It’s important to realize that it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who abuses alcohol. That’s because they need to deal with the issue themselves and get healthy before they can even begin thinking about having a relationship. Think about how he’s behaved so far and you’ll have an idea of what will happen in the future, except if it gets worse, as it often does.

It’s up to you to decide what love means to you and what kind of relationship you want. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where alcohol is not a negative factor and the other person treats you wonderfully all the time. You’re worth it. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

My boyfriend and I have been dating about 9 months, and we love each other so much. We’ve been best friends for the quite a while, and we often talk about marriage and more serious things in the future. Recently, he found out that he has to move to another country. He’ll be moving from the U.S. into Canada, and I’ve never been in a long distance relationship. He doesn’t move for another four months, and he might be able to come back later on….but we’re both really worried about how hard maintaining a long distance relationship will be. Both of us are very scared that the distance will come between us, and we are willing to work on it very hard. Do you have any tips for someone like us who is about to go into a long distance relationship?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation.  It’s challenging to keep a long distance relationship going because you’re not with each other in person. A positive approach you might consider is keeping the relationship going by talking with each other often, sharing what’s going on in your lives and listening to each other. Share your thoughts and feelings, ask each other questions and keep learning about each other. 

The key is to stay in each other’s lives and be there for each other regardless of the distance. It takes some effort but you can keep building the relationship and supporting each other. Eventually, you’ll settle into a pattern that works for both of you. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is there for you and will work on keeping things moving in a positive direction. Take care.

Any advice for a long distance relationship??? I need help — Anonymous

Thank you for your question. It’s hard to keep a long distance relationship going because you’re not with each other in person. One thing that you might find helpful is to keep the relationship going in other ways such as talking with each other often, sharing what’s going on in your lives and listening to each other. Ask each other questions and keep learning about each other. Share your thoughts and feelings.

The idea is to stay in each other’s lives and be there for each other. It takes some work but you can keep building the relationship. Over time you’ll figure out what works for both of you. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is there for you and will work on keeping things going in a positive direction. Take care.

My boyfriend and I have nothing in common, except for the fact that we love each other and can't ignore the chemistry between us. We still get along I mean, it just causes blips every now and then. When we're in person its fine and there isn't any awkwardness between the two of us and both of us are extremely comfortable with each other. But since its a long distance relationship it relies on cyber forms of communication, I want to know how to make texting each other less awkward. Any advice? — lookatthisimacowardtoo

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to keep a long distance relationship going because you’re not there in person with each other. One positive way to keep things going is to try to talk on the phone or by video conference if possible because it gives you more of a personal connection with the other person and helps you keep the relationship going.

The idea with any form of communication is to make sure you share your lives with each other and keep learning about each other. That way you can stay emotionally connected with each other. Keeping a relationship going by texting or instant messaging can be challenging because you’re having to try to guess what the other person is thinking based on shorter messages. You might try to use texting as a way to send short. “I love you,” types of messages and reserve your deeper conversations for the phone or video conferencing.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is open to communicating meaningfully. Take care.

I'm thinking a head a lot. But near the end of this year, my boyfriend will be joining the RAF Police. I will still be doing my final year of college. I know he will be away more than he will be with me. I love him so much, I don't know what I'm going to do without him. Even not seeing him for a few days kills me. Is this something I am just going to have to cope with? Can you give me any advice on pursuing a long distance relationship? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to be away from someone you love. One positive way to keep the relationship going is to continue talking often. Tell each other what’s going on and share your thoughts and feelings. Be there for each other and talk about everything.

The key is to just stay in each other’s lives and keep growing and learning together. Another coping strategy you might consider is to continue to focus on your life as well. Keep studying and being the healthiest, most balanced person you can be. Hang out with friends and make new ones if you’d like. Talk to interesting people and do things you enjoy.

As with any new or different experience, it takes time to settle into a new routine. Stay on a positive course and you’ll adapt in time. Remember that you deserve to treat yourself well with or without someone in your life. Take care.

Hi so i sometimes doubt the relationship working because of the long Distance but if you ever had that feeling what do you do about it? i hate feeling like this sometimes. but like any advice please? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to keep a long distance relationship going because you’re not there with each other in person. One thing that works to keep the relationship going is to communicate often and continue to share your lives.

Talk with each other and keep building the relationship by staying in contact. Keep learning about each other and telling each other about your lives. Over time you’ll figure out if it works for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is there for you and wants to keep the relationship going. Take care.

Hello, I've been dating my boyfriend 6 months. He recently got kicked out of his house for personal family problems & is now going to be moving in with his uncle who lives in another state in a few weeks and is going to continue college there. I'm not sure if having a long distance relationship that is a state different will work, but I love him very much and I really want to make this work and I know he does too. This happened so suddenly that I just don't know what to do. Please help. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard when things change unexpectedly in a relationship. Long distance relationships are difficult because you’re not there with the person but you can make it a point to keep communicating with each other. Talk as often as you can and listen to each other. You may not be able to see each other in person but you can support each other and keep having conversations.

The idea is to stay in each other’s lives if you both want to do so. Over time, you’ll decide if it works for you and what you need to do to take care of yourself and keep your life moving in a positive direction. You might want to do some thinking about how his behaviors and family situation are affecting you and the relationship. It’s important to realize that his behaviors now are likely to be how things go in the future. Take some time to think about what kind of person you want to be with and what kind of relationship is beneficial for you.

Remember that you deserve to have someone in your life who is there for you and brings balance and positive things into your life. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog