I've been with my boyfriend for about a month and I really like him but I'm always first to talk or to text him ect, it makes me feel like I annoy him. He's been talking to me less and less recently, I feel like he's loosing intrest in me. What can I do to keep us together? Thanks x — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you need in a relationship and what behavior you find acceptable. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you would like to ask him or tell him and then talk with him calmly and kindly.

Keep it brief and friendly and make sure to listen to what he says without interrupting or reacting negatively. Have several conversations where you learn more about him. The more you get to know him, the easier it will be for you to decide what to do. You might even consider working together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Remember that you both deserve to be with someone who meets your needs, treats you well and communicates openly. Take care.

My boyfriend and I are crazy about each other, but I have a really hard time talking to him about my feelings. He has ADD and I have depression, so where he's used to feeling manic I usually feel immensely sad. He doesn't understand that, or what it feels like, or how it works, and even though he wants me to talk to him when I'm feeling like that and means well, every time I do he doesn't manage to help me feel better at all. How can I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. The key to effective communication in any relationship is to be calm, kind, open and honest. You might find it helpful to take some time to think of one or two things you’d like to talk with him about and then have a few conversations. Consider the following ideas to make it easier:

  • Talk when you both have time and can focus on each other without interruptions or being rushed.
  • Listen to the other person without interrupting or reacting negatively.
  • You don’t have to talk about everything all at once. Keep it simple and brief so that you don’t get overwhelmed.
  • Let one person talk for up to five minutes while the other listens. Then switch sides.
  • Watch your tone and body language. Be calm, kind, gentle and friendly.
  • Keep practicing talking and listening with each other.

Doing these things might feel different at first but, as you practice, you’ll both get better at talking about important subjects. Remember that you both deserve to talk about things and listen to each other. You’re both worth it. Take care.

Me and this girl were best friends for about a year, then we got together and it was an amazing relationship. I fell in love with her, and she said she loved me. Then, I didn't see her for 3 months because of family issues, etc.. then one day, she said she needs to be alone and needs to focus on her exams and family, and that she doesn't feel she makes me happy anymore. She said she still loves me, but now she seems over me already and I feel like I annoy her. I need her back, what do I do? — swanseajack94

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t do anything about what other people say or do in a relationship but you can figure out what works for you. You might find it helpful to take some time to think about what you would like to tell her or ask her and then talk calmly and kindly with her.

Keep it brief, friendly and make sure to listen to what she says without interrupting or reacting negatively. The more the two of you talk about things and learn about each other, the easier it will be to decide what you want to do next. The idea is to talk a few times and gather more information. It’s also beneficial to give yourself and her some time and space to think about things. That will give you an opportunity to take care of yourself as well.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and values the great person you are. You’re worth it. Take care.

I've liked this guy ever since we started to get serious a little over a year ago. While we were talking, he stopped talking to me for another girl whom he is currently dating - for a year, so far. Since we've stopped talking, we've hung out with with our mutual best friend and every time he's flirted with me like the girlfriend doesn't exist. i didn't even know he was still with her but i kept my distance anyway. Our friend even said that we look good together. I don't know what to think.. — hackysackthat

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want to do in any relationship and how you want to be treated. You might want to take some time to think about what’s worked, what hasn’t and what you would like to ask him about and then talk calmly and kindly with him. Ask him questions, listen to him and let him know what you think and feel as well.

Make sure to pay attention to whether his actions match his words because, the way he behaves now is likely to be how he acts in the future. It’s up to you to decide if his behavior is acceptable to you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who behaves well, wants to be with you exclusively and treats you with respect. Take care.

The guy I like told me he still really likes me but he doesn't like me as much anymore (what does that mean?) and has been left me hanging for ages. He is the shy type and doesn't really make the move whatsoever, he's only ever put his arm around me, yet we have liked eachother for 6 months now. I don't understand, I really want something to happen with him, just something, but he wont do anything. I don't want to move because he said he doesnt like me as much anymore. HELP — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to tell what someone else is thinking in a relationship unless you ask them directly. You might want to take some time to think about what you want to ask him and then talk with him calmly and kindly. Listen to what he says without interrupting and learn about his perspective.

The idea is to gather information so you can decide what you want to do next. It’s also OK for you to let him know what you’re thinking and feeling as well as what you need in the relationship. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you, communicates openly and treats you well. Take care.

Hi, I love my boyfriend. We have been together for 9 months. but i want a serious relationship but he wants to "just date". Is there any way we could work things out? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to realize that you can’t change what someone thinks in a relationship, only they can do that. That means that you get to decide what you do next based on what he’s doing right now.

You might want to think about what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Once you know what’s important to you, you can talk with him calmly and kindly. Keep it brief and make sure to listen to what he says. The idea is to let him know what you need and learn about him. Once you have a few conversations, you’ll have a better idea of what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who shares your goals and wants to be with you exclusively. You’re worth it. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

Hey, met this guy through facebook. And, I live in the middle east and he lives in London. Ive mentioned that im going there to do my masters.And told him not to give up on me, just yet, i hve a yr and a half left. Before this even happend we’ve on the phone like once and twice, 2 yrs ago. And we’ve come again this valentines day and we’re talking only this time we’re getting to know each other. Can you guide me of questions to ask him? So, i get bored easily and et to know him more. Cos’ i wnt this to work. thank you!

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. One positive way to help a relationship grow is to communicate by asking open-ended questions. These are questions that encourage the other person to answer with something other than a yes or no. You might try some questions such as:

  • What are you thinking about our relationship?
  • What do you love doing?
  • What’s your passion in life?
  • What are your career plans?
  • What hobbies do you enjoy?

The idea is to ask him any question that you have a curiosity about and then listen to him without interrupting or directing the conversation, just listen. The more you listen to him the more you’ll learn about him. It will also help you build a relationship because you’ll get to know each other better. It’s also OK to share your thoughts and feelings with him.

In a healthy relationship, the people involved talk openly about things and enjoy learning about each other. Remember that you deserve a relationship with someone who wants to be with you and share his life with you. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog