Hi, I love my boyfriend. We have been together for 9 months. but i want a serious relationship but he wants to "just date". Is there any way we could work things out? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to realize that you can’t change what someone thinks in a relationship, only they can do that. That means that you get to decide what you do next based on what he’s doing right now.

You might want to think about what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Once you know what’s important to you, you can talk with him calmly and kindly. Keep it brief and make sure to listen to what he says. The idea is to let him know what you need and learn about him. Once you have a few conversations, you’ll have a better idea of what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who shares your goals and wants to be with you exclusively. You’re worth it. Take care.

What does it mean if your new bf mentions his ex once in a conversation which is completely irrelevant to the topic? Taking note that he had a bad break up one year ago. Also the fact that he later tells you he shouldn't have brought her up? Should i be worried? I know i am just being over concerned, but if he is still thinking about his ex... — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to feel whatever you want to feel in a relationship. You also decide what behavior is appropriate for you and how you want to be treated. You might try talking kindly and calmly to him when you’re not in the middle of a situation and tell him how you feel. Let him know in a brief, friendly and gentle way what’s on your mind and what you’d like to see happen. Then just listen to him without interrupting or reacting negatively.

Talk with him a few times, listen to what he says and watch his behavior. After a while you’ll be able to tell if it’s working for you. You can’t change his behavior but you can let him know what you need and see whether he’s willing to work with you. Remember that you both deserve to be with someone who is committed to you and values your wishes. Take care.

me and my bf have been together for almost 4 years. we have a child together and lately i hardly ever see him. hes always out with his friends or doing something by hisself. i can never go anywhere with him. my question is how can i get him to spend more time w me and communicate better? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. In any relationship, it’s important for people to be there for each other. You get to decide what you need in the relationship and one of the best ways to let him know is to talk openly with him.

The key is to talk about difficult issues in a way that doesn’t make them more difficult. You can do that by talking calmly and kindly. Let him know what you need and do it in a gentle and caring way. Keep it brief and to the point. Then make sure you listen to what he says. Listen without interrupting or reacting negatively in any way. Just listen.

You can’t do anything about how he reacts but you can gather information so you can figure out what’s best for you. Pay close attention to his behavior because the way he behaves now is likely to be the way he behaves in the future unless he decides to change it.

You might find it helpful to do some careful thinking about what you want to tell him and what’s important to you. Pick one or two of the most important topics and talk with him about those. Do it when you’re both calm rather than when you’re in the middle of a difficult situation.

The idea is to start communicating openly with each other and telling each other what you need. After you talk with him a few times, you’ll have a better idea of what you need to do. Remember that you’re a valuable person who deserves to be with someone who is there for you and appreciates your point of view. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and everything seems to be going great except I'm confused on where we stand. We aren't in an official relationship but we do things a couple would do. At first I didn't mind but it was recently that his mom introduced me to a friend as his gf, and it got me thinking. Plenty of peeople consider him my bf but we never talked about it and I sorta want more then just a fun buddy, so should I ask him about it or is it to soon and clingy? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea for the people in a relationship to both be on the same page but it takes time (many months or years) to develop a deeper relationship. It’s really up to you to decide what you want to do. If you’re OK just seeing how the relationship develops you can do that; if you need to define it then you can let him know what you need and ask him some kind and calm questions to get more information. Make sure  you listen to what he has to say.

It’s important to realize that not everyone may be feeling the same way in a relationship one month into it or need to define it in any way. That doesn’t mean that you both can’t enjoy each other’s company and keep getting to know one another over time. You get to decide whether you’re happy just enjoying his company or you need to define it. Once you decide what you want to do, tell him calmly and kindly and listen to what he says. Then you can decide if it fits your needs.

You might think about the positives and negatives of asking or not asking. You also can’t control what he’s feeling or how he’ll respond. Don’t forget that you deserve a relationship where the other person feels the same way about you as you do about them. Take care.