Well I'm not currently on the best terms with my guy. Our last argument was not a good one. I love him so much though. All my friends and family tell me to leave him, but I just can't. I always end up texting him or calling him, but whenever he talks to me he just acts annoyed. SO then when I don't contact him for a week or so, he'll call me and be the biggest sweetheart. I want to get over him, but then I don't.. What do I do?! Because I know this is not a healthy relationship. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you how you want to be treated in a relationship. Whatever you decide to do sends him a message as to what you’re willing to accept.

It’s always a good idea to watch how people behave in a relationship because it usually shows you how they’ll be in the future. You might consider taking some time to think about how you want to be treated and what kind of relationship you want. If you’d like, you can talk with him kindly and calmly and tell him what you need. Listen to him as well and get an idea of where he’s coming from. Once you talk a few times you’ll be able to decide what’s best for you and what you need to do to move your life in a positive direction.

Another option is to take a breath and take a break from the situation so you can do things you love and celebrate who you are without a significant other in the picture. Sometimes, taking a break will give you a clearer perspective of what’s really going on in the relationship. It’s also a good idea to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what you need to do to take care of yourself.

In a healthy relationship, the people involved are kind and attentive with each other all the time, not just sometimes. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you consistently well and behaves positively. You’re worth it. Take care.

my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.

You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings. 

You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.

It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.