I have been talking to someone for over a year now. I have never been "with" someone for this long. He is extremely important to me and i can honestly say that i do love him. But we are not in a relationship. I have noticed that when things seem to be going well, he finds a fault in something or makes one that doesn't exist. It almost seems as though as he is pushing me away. Now i know he does not want me away but how do i explain this phenomena? — stelsmoral

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to get to know someone really well in a relationship so you don’t have to guess what’s going on. A positive way to do this is to talk calmly and kindly with him.

You might consider thinking about what you want to ask him and then talking with him. Listen to what he says and decide if it makes sense to you. Have several conversations and learn about each other. The more you know about him, the easier it will be for you to decide what you want to do next.

It’s also beneficial to pay attention to how he behaves because the things he does now are likely to be how he acts in the future. Remember that you get to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. You’re that important. Take care.

I've been dating a guy since mid September, and he still hasn't made me his official gf. I'm ok with this because he lives 5 hours away and and also because I had just ended a 5 year relationship in February. I've been taking things slow because I don't want to end up getting hurt like I did last time, but just recently I've found myself falling in love with him. Should I tell him even though we're not official yet? I mean, I don't want to scare him off or rush him into something serious. Help!! — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you need in a relationship and what you do. Perhaps you might think in terms of continuing to get to know him as a friend so that you reach a point where you’re comfortable telling him anything. Have plenty of friendly conversations where you learn about each other and listen to one another. The more you talk with each other the less you’ll have to guess what’s going on.

It’s always a good idea to get to know someone slowly because you’ll be able to tell if he’s a good fit for you before making any major decisions. Remember that you deserve to take your time because it gives you a chance to take care of yourself, get to know him well and figure out where the relationship is headed. You’re worth it. Take care.

I'm currently in a relationship with a man who I care for very much. We've gotten very close as both friends and as a couple and I really do like him. The only issue I have so far is that we're both on opposite sides of the belief system. He's a heavy Christian who goes to Church every Sunday, and I'm an Atheist who hasn't been to a Church since she was around 6 or 7. I don't know if he knows that I'm not a believer and I'm afraid to bring it up in case he'll reject me. What do I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the most important things in a relationship is to be with someone who deeply respects who you are and wants to be with you without changing you.

Perhaps you might consider having some kind and calm conversations with him about each of your beliefs. Ask each other questions, listen without interrupting or reacting negatively and learn about each other. Have several conversations so you can understand each other’s perspective. Once you talk a few times, you’ll have a better idea about where he’s coming from and whether he’s a good fit for you.

In a healthy relationship, people love each other as they are and deeply respect one another. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who will completely accept and value the great person you are. You’re that important. Take care.

My long term boyfriend and I love each other very much and we want to get married, but we're very different. Our personalities are completely opposite as well as our lifestyles, and we don't even have any of the same hobbies or taste in things. As we're entering our mid twenties and becoming who we're going to be in life, we're realizing that we're like a bird and a fish who can't find a place to live. Would it just be a lifetime of disappointing compromising if we married? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you need in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, the people involved tend to have a lot of things in common and give each other space to pursue individual interests.

There are no absolute rules as to what works for everyone in a relationship except that it’s a good idea to be your true selves and treat each other well. You might want to think about what’s important to you and ask yourself some questions like:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What are the qualities that are essential for a significant other to have?
  • What are the deal breakers?
  • What’s positive in my current relationship and what’s missing? How will each affect my long-term happiness?
  • Do I want to be with someone who shares a lot of interests with me?
  • What would I need to do to build a deep, meaningful relationship?
  • Is it important to me to have the same hobbies or taste?
  • What would need to happen to make sure we have a positive relationship?

Before even thinking about marriage it’s important to have all the building blocks of a healthy relationship in place, such as: communication, shared interests, mental health, career, financial stability, love, trust, empathy and compatibility. You get to decide if you have a solid foundation with the person or what you need to do to get there.

You get to make your own decisions based on what’s important to you. Think of what you need in order to treat yourself well and live a deeply fulfilling life. There’s no rush, talk calmly and kindly with each other and take your time to learn about each other. The more you talk the clearer idea you’ll have of what’s best for both of you.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who you’re very certain is the right person for you. Take care.

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years (in march). Is it a bad sign that he doesn't think about a future with me at all? — Anonymous

Thank you for your question. You get to decide what’s important to you in a relationship. If it’s important to you to have a future then you might ask yourself if this is the right situation for you. If you’re looking for something less serious then you’ll think about it in a different way.

It’s always important to be with someone who shares your vision of what a relationship should look like and values your point of view. You might want to have some conversations with your boyfriend so you can tell him what’s important to you and learn what his perspective is. Make sure to talk calmly and kindly with each other and listen without interrupting or reacting negatively. Ask each other questions and learn about each other.

Once you have several conversations you’ll be able to decide whether he’s a good fit for you or what your next step is. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects your values and treats you the way you want to be treated. Take care.

Hey, so long story short. Fell so hard for a guy about a year ago, but by summer we had decided to just be friends because we were so busy. Things fell so easily into place before, it was amazing. We share similar values, hobbies and lifestyle but live a little ways away from each other (not a big deal). I have not moved on, and I don't think he has either. It seems like he likes me as well, still. What should I do about it ? Should I do anything? He is still important to me. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want. Perhaps you might find it helpful to have some calm and kind conversations with each other to find out what’s going on. Ask each other questions and listen carefully to each other. Keep it calm and friendly and just learn about each other.

It’s OK to share your thoughts and feelings with him and ask him about his. Make sure you listen to what he says and watch what he does so you can decide if things are working for you. The more you talk with him the better idea you’ll have about what you want to do next. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is interested in you and values your feelings. Take care.

I have been dating this guy for 14 months now, and we don't really do anything because he is my first real relationship, and I'm scared of doing things.. We don't really get to see each other since he lives on the other side of town, and if we do get to see each other it's in school. At first our relationship was amazing, but lately it just feels like it's falling apart. Like it's just a friendship. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, I really do.How can I make it feel like a relationship again? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide at what speed you want to move in a relationship. Nobody else gets to decide that for you. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What am I comfortable doing?
  • What is working and what would I do differently?
  • What am I doing to make sure I take care of myself and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What do I want to tell him?
  • What do I want to learn about him?
  • What would make me more comfortable?

It’s perfectly OK to move at your own pace in a relationship. It’s also beneficial to talk with the other person. Take some time to think about the questions above and then have some calm and kind conversations with your significant other. Ask him questions, listen to what he says and tell him about yourself. Have many conversations so that you learn more about each other and become more comfortable.

The key in any relationship is to know the other person well enough so that you make positive decisions. Take some time to learn about each other and you’ll eventually know what’s right for both of you. Remember to treat yourself well along the way and trust your inner voice. Take care.