My current boyfriend is not friends with any of his exs, he actually hates them all, Should this be a red flag? I feel like it is. Whenever I ask ablut them he only has really bad things to say. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea in any relationship to be aware of how someone has behaved in past. This will usually be a reliable indicator of how they will behave with you, unless they work hard and for a long time to change the pattern.

The key in any relationship is to listen to your inner voice. It’s the one telling you if his behavior is positive or negative. Pay close attention to what he’s saying and what it might mean about his behavior and then decide if it’s a good fit for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who behaves kindly, treats you and others well and says great things about people in general. You’re worth it. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

Hi there! Thanks for answering my question, the previous one on the Valentines day date. It's just that we already talked about being just friends and everything, both of us have discussed. Do you think he sat closer or leaned his head on my shoulder because he's starting to get feelings or wanted to make a move? Thanks again! — Anonymous

Thank you for the follow-up question. It’s difficult to tell what anyone’s actions mean in a relationship unless they tell you. That’s why it’s a good idea to talk openly so you both can be on the same page. You might find it helpful to ask yourself a question such as, “If I did the same thing he did, what message might it send?” It’s also beneficial to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s likely going on. Take care.

A guy added me on facebook last month through a mutual friend, & straight away he asked to take me out. I didn't really listen to him, but he kept on and I thought, wow hes actually trying to make an effort! Anyway, we met up & hit off. Been seeing him since. Recently his tone changed, he asked me to take pictures down of us, & when I asked why, he said cos his ex is giving him a hard time & that she'd just had an abortion. They split up last Sept. Is he taking me for a ride? Is he not over her? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to listen to your inner voice in a relationship, it’s the one telling you what’s really going on. If things feel strange then it usually signals that something is may not be quite right.

You might find it helpful to take some time to think about how you want to be treated in a relationship. Keep in mind that, in a healthy relationship, the people involved are fully there for each other and want to spend time together. They treat each other kindly and the behave positively.

It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking without asking him. You might consider talking calmly and kindly with him and asking him questions to clarify what he’s thinking. Listen to what he says and decide if it’s what you’re looking for in a relationship. Remember that it’s always a good idea to date people who are completely available and able to commit to you. You’re worth it. Take care.

Okay so previously i had a boyfriend who pushed really hard on the sexual side of things. Every time we would do something like fingering or oral or what ever he would just push to do more and if i said i didn't feel like it he made me feel really awful about it. Now I've been dating this great guy for 3 months and the relationship is getting to the point where things are going below the belt. he wants to do oral and such but I'm scared that he will turn out like my last bf...what do I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want to do in any relationship. You set the limits and boundaries of what you find appropriate, not someone else.

Take some time to think about what you’re comfortable doing and make sure to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s appropriate for you. Then you can talk with him kindly and calmly and tell him what you’re thinking. Talk many times and listen carefully to what he says. The more you learn about him, the more you’ll be able to tell if he’s a good fit for you. It’s up to you to decide if the way he acts meets your needs.

A lot of people get into negative situations because they don’t realize it’s OK to say they don’t want to do something. You get to decide what you want to do, not the other person. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where the other person respects your wishes and is willing to talk about things. Take care.

I'm seeing this guy, he knows I'm a virgin and he told me he wouldn't pressure me into anything, his words were ''I won't even mention it because I'm a firm believer in losing it to someone you really love.'' Does this mean he doesn't like me as much as I thought? And what do I do when I feel ready? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you’re comfortable doing in any relationship and what will help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. It’s OK to let people know what you find a appropriate or not. The idea is to be up front with people and ask for what you need so that you don’t find yourself in a situation where you get hurt.

Listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s best for you and how to take care of yourself. Talk with your significant other and let him know how you feel. Listen to him as well so you know what his point of view is.

Before making any important decision in a relationship, it’s always a good idea for the people to know each other really well and to talk openly about things so both people are comfortable. The thing to avoid is making a decision because you think you’re going to lose him or he won’t love you. The idea in any relationship is to be with someone who loves the real you.

Remember that you deserve to make decisions that will help you feel great about yourself and move your life in a positive direction. Take care.

so my best guy friend and best girl friend just got out of a relationship together. but now i think i like him.. but obviously can't go out with him because it's just not right. although, i think he might like me too.. we've been hanging out alot lately and we cuddle and hold hands. do you think we should wait to pursue a relationship together? also, do you think i should kiss him (because i really want to). thanks — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want. You might want to take some time to think about what might happen if you do certain things. Ask yourself some questions like:

  • What would be the thing I could do that would get me the most positive results?
  • What might I do that would help me feel good about myself?
  • What do I know about people who just got out of a relationship?
  • What might happen if I kiss him?
  • What would I do to make sure I take care of myself and the people who are important to me?
  • What is my inner voice telling me to do? 
  • What are the positives and negatives of any decision I make?

The idea in any relationship is to make decisions that lead your life in a positive direction and help you take care of yourself. Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually arrive at a decision that works for you.

Another idea is to have some calm and kind conversations with the people involved and then figure out what you want to do. The more information you have, the clearer your decisions will be. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that helps you feel great about yourself and live a positive life. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

I have been dating this guy for about 2 years. We have a long distance relationship but we keep in contact always. He has cheated on me before and we went throught this whole fight and alwasy broke up and he cried and aplogized and we ended up getting past it. Last night when we were talking he made comments like “theres no way you aren’t doing something with another guy you cant be just that commited to me, we havent seen each other in 5 months” and he said it in a laugh-able tone and he was like “if you’re that commited I need to shoot myself” and he smiled and stuff and was like “because someone else does love me”. It sounded like he was just joking around but serious at the same time. I don’t care if other girls like him, but the way that he said everything, is he basically saying he cheating on me again? I didn’t know what to do I just kinda smiled and laughed with him and I was like well I’m not doing anything. What should I do? Were both 18

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to watch people’s behavior in a relationship because what they’ve done up to now is likely to be what they do in the future. The only way to change the pattern is if they work on it for a long time. It’s also a good idea to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s really going on.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want and talk calmly and kindly with him. Let him know what you need and make sure to listen to him without reacting negatively or interrupting. The idea is to gather information so you can make a decision. The more you learn about him the easier it will be to decide what you want to do. Keep in mind that the key is for you to treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

You’re a valuable person and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and is there for you exclusively. You’re that important. Take care.