my exbf and i broke up a month ago and we used to live together. he decided to move out and i stayed in our apartment. he comes every other day to visit me coz he misses me. i miss him too but i really wanna move on. i told him to stop visiting me but he still does. i want to fix our relationship but hes the one who left me and hes talking to other girls already.. wat should i do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important in any relationship to be clear about what you want and need. A positive way to do that is to talk calmly and kindly with your ex.

Take some time to think about what you want to tell him and then talk with him. Keep it brief and friendly and make sure to listen to what he says. Be clear about what you need and pay attention to what he says and whether what he says works for you. It’s up to you what you decide to do after you talk and you might even need to talk a few times.

Keep in mind that it’s important to be in a relationship where you can treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You get to decide what’s best for you and what you want to do. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you well and is willing to work on things with you. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

Long story short, me and my ex ended in a harsh way, and he has completely cutt me off from his life. I'm still in love, and i miss him. Advice for moving on? P.S, do you think he misses me too? Our relationship was pure love and happiness, it ended over the arguments we frequently started having during the last time of our relationship. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. You can’t guess what he thinks but you can look at his behavior to give you clues. What you know right now is that he’s behaved a certain way. You might want to ask yourself a few questions to decide what you want to do next, such as:

  • What does his behavior tell me about how he feels about me?
  • What kind of relationship do I want and is he behaving that way?
  • What kind of person do I want to be with and is he behaving that way?
  • What worked in the relationship and what didn’t? What would I do differently in the future?
  • What am I doing to be the happiest and healthiest me possible without a significant other?
  • What am I doing to live a great life without a significant other?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually find an answer that works for you. The key is to live the best life you can and treat yourself well. The happier and more fulfilled you are on you own, the better chance you’ll have of attracting someone who appreciates the real you. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you and is willing to talk about things. Take care.

I dated the same guy for 2 years. About a month after we broke up he started dating a new girl. This was 10 months ago, & while they've been dating he's been texting me saying he still loves me & he wants to have sex with me again. I told him many times to stop contacting me & to leave me alone, because the more he talks to me, the harder it is to be over him. I miss him, and I think a part of me will always love him. I want him to break up with his girlfriend & be with me but do i say anything? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up and it’s normal to wonder what you want to do. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. It’s always a good idea to look at what’s happened in the past because it’s likely to be what happens in the future. Pay close attention to how he’s behaving now and what it might mean. For example: What does it mean when someone is going out with a person and texting another?

You might want to take some time to think about what you want to do and ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What can I do to make sure I take care of myself and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What worked in my relationship and what didn’t? How did each affect me? 
  • What limits and boundaries am I setting?
  • What am I doing to figure out who I am and live a great life?
  • What am I doing to build myself up that doesn’t involve him?
  • What do I know about myself and how I deal with loss?

Think about questions like these for a while and you’ll figure out what you want to do. The key is to behave in ways that help you live a positive life. Keep in mind that it’s beneficial to try to have a relationship with someone who is fully available. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is committed to you and treats you wonderfully. Take care.

i fell in love with a guy who was close to being sort of a bestfriend to me ,we were really close , we knew almost everything about eachother but we were never in a relationship , but we did treat eachother as boyfriend & girlfriend for a couple of months , we abrubtly stopped taling for no appearent reason & it been a couple of months and i miss him alot , i cant stop thinking about him & i want to get this off my chest , but im not sure how he would react, how do i handle that ? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s OK to want to talk about things. You might consider just reaching out to him and offering to talk if he wants to. Let him know you’d be interested in talking with him and then leave it at that. You don’t have to make it really long or complicated, just tell him you’d like to talk about the situation.

You might find it helpful to let him know that there’s no pressure, no expectations and no strings attached. You just want to talk calmly and kindly about what’s on your mind and listen to what he has to say as well.

Once you make the offer just let go. If he decides to take you up on it then you both can talk calmly and kindly and listen to each other. If he doesn’t, then you get to move on and take care of yourself.

Remember that you deserve to have someone in your life who wants to talk with you and work things out. Take care.

some anon on tumblr has been telling me to start talking to my ex again. i dont know if its him or not. i miss him and i want to talk to him but i dont want to get hurt. should i talk to him or leave it alone? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up. It’s important to listen to your inner voice. It’s the one that’s telling you what you really need to do and what will lead you in a positive direction.

You get to decide what you want to do in this situation. Perhaps you could make a list of the positives and negatives in the relationship and think carefully about which decision you make would lead you in the most positive direction. You might also consider spending some time alone doing things you love and learning about yourself before you make any decisions.

Keep in mind that you both have established a pattern of behavior that already led to a break up. For that reason, it’s important for you to carefully evaluate if you want to repeat that and if it will help you treat yourself well. Try not to worry about what anonymous people are telling you to do, the only opinion that really matters is yours.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that leads in a positive direction. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

Back in January I encountered a guy from my school (it’s a really small school) and we started talking through mutual friends. I was friends with his girlfriend at that time. Then his girlfriend started getting jealous that we were talking and one thing lead to another and we kind of just talked behind his girlfriend’s back and during track practice and meets (he was a runner, I was a manager for the team). Then suddenly him and his girlfriend broke up on terms that it was my fault and if he didn’t talk to me then they’d still be together. Which actually brought this guy and myself closer together. Within a span of five months we became extremely comfortable with each other. We’d cuddle and sit on my couch and watch Disney movies. I fell for him, hard. One night he asked me to stay the night at his house after one of our friends graduation parties, so I did. One thing lead to another and we got intimate. A few days later I wanted to see where we were in a relationship but he kept ignoring and changing the subject, so I got really mad. Soon enough I found out he was seeing another from our school, which pissed me off even more so I told him straight up if he didn’t want to be with me then we should just end everything right then and there because I couldn’t trust him again. I hadn’t talked to him in four months. He got another girlfriend and proposed to her within a month of dating her, but the broke up a few weeks after. Recently he messaged me on facebook asking how everything was, how college was going and he wanted me to go to one of his basketball games this coming weekend at my college. I miss him a lot, but I don’t know if I should give into him that easy, or let him see how I felt.

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. In any relationship it’s vitally important to watch the other person’s behavior. In this case he’s exhibiting a behavior pattern that’s sending you loud messages about how he’s likely to treat you. The best way to tell how someone will behave in the future is to look at how they’ve behaved in the past.

Based on what you know about his behavior it will be up to you to decide if that’s how you want to be treated. Keep in mind that you’re an important and valuable person who deserves to be with someone who treats you well and respects you.

You get to show him how to treat you. If you accept negative behavior then that’s what he’ll do. If you insist on being treated like the great person you are then it sends a very different message. You get to decide how you want to be treated in a relationship and what kind of person you want to be with. Remember to try to make decisions that help you take care of yourself, move in a positive direction and meet people who genuinely care about you. Take care.

I need advice. I miss my ex bf so much. We broke up 6 months ago.When we broke up he tried to get back 2gether but i didnt. So we stoped talking since then but 3 months ago I realized that I do love him so I told him but he dumped me :'( cause he liked a girl i used to cry everynight, now they are dating and he is so in love.. i have a bf too, but Idk, I still miss and love so much my ex! we started talking again but just as friends. I miss him i want him back.. what should I do?!?! :((( — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up. You’ll decide what you do next but there are a couple of questions you might ask yourself to clear things up:

  • Who do I want to be with?
  • Which person is best for me or leads me in a positive direction?
  • Which person has the qualities that I admire and respect in a significant other?
  • What do I want to see happen?
  • What would I need to do to make it happen?
  • What will I do so that I respect people and treat them kindly?
  • What can I do to understand myself better?

It’s up to you to decide what you need in a relationship and how to behave in ways that lead in a positive direction. Take some time to think carefully about what you really want and then make sure you talk openly with people and respect everyone’s feelings.

You might also find it beneficial to take a break and not be in a relationship so you can figure out who you are as a person. Celebrate the wonderful things about you and discover who you really are. This will help you define what you want in a significant other. Remember that you deserve to know yourself well and be with people who appreciate your positive behaviors. Take care.