My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.
You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.
You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.
