My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.

You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.

You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.

I'm doing a course to get into art college next year. The course has begun life drawing sessions (where you draw a naked model, learn new drawing techniques etc.) It's really important for my portfolio, but my boyfriend, who's also in my course, has a serious problem with the whole life-drawing business. He won't do it himself, but he also ''asked'' me not to do it. I love him to bits and I HATE fighting with him, how can I make him see he's wrong for putting me under this kind of pressure? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s OK to tell someone what you think is appropriate in a relationship. Just because another person feels a certain way doesn’t mean you have to conform to their point of view.

The key is to talk about things calmly and kindly. Let him know what you think and feel and make sure to listen to him without interrupting or reacting negatively. Ask him to listen to your perspective as well. You don’t have to agree with what he says or change who you are, just be there for him and ask him to do the same for you.

Pay close attention to what he says and how he behaves. The way he’s behaving regarding this issue is a signal about how he might behave about other things. In a healthy relationship, the other person accepts you for who you are and is happy to let you be you without imposing rules.

Remember that you get to decide how you behave in life and what’s appropriate for you as long as you keep moving in a positive direction. You also deserve to have people in your life who respect your point of view and appreciate the real you. Take care.

My boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable with me talking to guys because he's convinced they like to flirt with me. When I tell him little things that guys say, that honestly are just stupid comments, even if they guy's gay, he seems to get mad, but doesn't yell at me or anything. He just tells me that means he can let girls flirt with him. This makes me not want to tell him the stupid comments guys make because he'll construe it as flirting and let girls flirt with him. Possibly manipulating? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. The only behavior you’re responsible for in your relationship is yours. That means you get to decide what behavior you find appropriate.

It’s a red flag when someone behaves in a way that’s manipulative or controlling in any way. It’s not your responsibility to do what they tell you to do or fix someone else, they need to do it themselves. Pay careful attention to your boyfriend’s behavior and ask yourself how you want to be treated in a relationship and what kind of person you want to be with.

Keep in mind that the way he behaves now is likely to be how he behaves in the future and it could get worse unless he works for a long time on changing his behavior.

Perhaps you could talk with him kindly and calmly and let him know what you need. Listen to him and pay close attention to what he says and does. Once you have more information you can make a decision as to what you want to do and what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who lets you be you and doesn’t put their issues on you. Take care.

I've been seeing this guy for a short time but we both agreed that whenever we were together we were happier than either of us could remember. I came home for winter break and for half of it, we couldn't stay away from each other. I saw him every day for a while. We were intimate together and he respected me being a virgin still. We both want him to be my first. But since then he's stopped talking to me all together. I thought we really liked each other, why would he stop talking to me suddenly? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to tell what anyone is thinking in a relationship unless they tell you. It’s always a good idea to pay close attention to how people behave. The way he behaves now is likely to be how he behaves in the future.

Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want to ask him or what you would like to learn about him. Then talk calmly and kindly with him about what you’re thinking and feeling. Be brief, direct and friendly. Then listen to what he has to say without interrupting or reacting negatively. The idea is to listen to him so you can find out what’s going on in his mind.

Once you have more information you can decide what will help you move your life in a positive direction. In a healthy relationship, people are there for each other and don’t disappear suddenly. That’s why it’s always beneficial to get to know someone really well before making serious decisions in any relationship.

Remember that you deserve to date people who value who you are all the time, not just some of the time. You’re worth it. Take care.

I met this guy online, and we have been emailing back & forth for a couple of weeks. We have interesting conversations & same interests. We exchanged pictures, & I know where he goes to school, so he’s not some creep. But I’m worried that I’m starting to like him, more than he may. He hasn’t asked to meet up with me or for my number. I really want to meet him but I’m worried I’ll come off as too despite or forward. He usually emails everyday but he hasn’t replied to the last email in 3 days. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. A positive way to meet someone who you only know online is to set up a meeting where he meets you and your friends or family in public. That way you have people around you so you can be safe and you can also get their feedback.

The thing to avoid is a situation where you meet someone who is nothing like what they seemed to be online. Remember that people can pretty much say anything online or on the phone and then turn out to be vastly different in person or in a relationship. It’s especially hard to know a lot about someone in two weeks, even for relationship experts.

You’ll get to decide how you move forward in a positive way. Pay attention to his actions and behaviors, he may be sending a message about how he behaves in relationships. Take things slowly and make sure you have plenty of conversations and ask him a lot of questions so you know him really well before you meet.

The idea is to be sure you know who this person really is and do things that will lead in a positive direction. Take care.

Right i should give you background first really, im a 22 year old female and i have been seeing my 19 year old boyfriend for 5 months, before this we were best friends for a year and half (we met in college). Recently i have found my boyfriend becoming distant and completely ignoring messages off me, i find myself feeling like i have done something wrong to upset him and it makes me very emotional to the point that i am not crying myself to sleep, any help and advice on what i can do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the most effective ways to figure out what’s going on in a relationship is to talk calmly and kindly with the person. Set aside some time with him when you both can talk. Each of you talks about what’s on your mind and the other person listens without interrupting. Make it brief, calm and kind.

As you listen to what he has to say you’ll have a better idea of what’s going on in his mind. If he doesn’t want to talk then that’s his decision. It’s always a good idea to pay close attention to his behavior. Watch what he’s doing and what message he may be sending you. The way he’s behaving now is likely to be how he behaves in the future.

When people love each other they do everything possible to spend time with each other and be kind and supportive. When they don’t do that it means other things. It will be up to you to listen to what your brain says and decide if you’re in a relationship that is working for you.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where the other person wants to spend time with you and makes a genuine effort to communicate. You’re worth it. Take care.

So I gave my number to this cute guy that I see at work all the time and he texted me the day I gave it to him. I texted him back and no word from him. I decided to text him again since I didn't get his name, we had a short convo and once again he didn't text back. I tried again and we had a mini convo and he didn't text back. He texts me randomly from the convo we had a few days ago and I'm like I don't even remember what you said! I can't tell if he is interested or just playing me.. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. A general guideline is that, if someone likes you, then they will do everything in their power to be in contact with you and spend time with you. His behavior so far is sending you a message about how he behaves in a relationship or how important you are to him.

Listen to your brain and pay close attention to his behavior. Ask yourself questions like:

  • How would a person who really likes me communicate with me?
  • How do I want to be treated in a relationship and is this person doing those things?
  • What do his actions say so far and what might that mean if I got involved with him? 

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and communicates with you reliably. Take care.