The Relationship Situation

Before the “break” I was in an international long distance relationship for four years. We had met each other for the week in which I had stayed overseas with him. There was never any concern with either of us whether there was infidelity, adultery or anything of that likeness. Our relationship was strong. Communication, and devotion. He made a hold on the relationship due to personal issues he had in his own life. Not being able to support us, or himself as a man. I understood, painfully, and attempted to find my own comforts. Within the many accounts of being used, pushed away, and lack of connection.. I truly began to realize and think I would never love again.. never love anyone but this person. Two months ago he re-entered from the break and seemed to take things the way they were, but realistically since we’re so far apart. In the meantime, I started a close relationship, that seemed to have fallen into my hands. I am not in love with this new person.. what should I do?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and with whom. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What does each person’s behavior tell me about how they will behave in the future?
  • What would be the effect of any decision I might make?
  • What decision can I make that will help me treat myself well and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What things am I doing to make sure I’m the healthiest and most balanced person possible without a significant other in my life?

Asking yourself questions like these will help you decide what you want to do. The key is to make decisions that help you move in a positive direction and enjoy healthy relationships. It’s also a good idea to pay attention to how people have behaved in the past because it signals what they’re likely to do in the future.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you wonderfully and helps you live a positive life. Take care.

Been dating this guy for 2 years with 1 break, we've been doing awesome lately however I recently found he had some really scandalous text conversations with his ex after we got back together. The texts happened like 7 months ago, but they were really terrible, it sounded like an emotional and physical betrayal. I confronted him about it and he said I'm the only girl he's never cheated on and I believe him, I just want to know why he did it and move on but he won't answer me. What should I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you do in any relationship. You might consider asking yourself a couple of questions to decide what you want to do, such as:

  • What does his behavior mean?
  • In what ways does his behavior match his actions?
  • What kind of people do I want to date?
  • How do I want to be treated in a relationship?
  • What does his past behavior tell me about what he might do in the future?
  • What does my intuition tell me is really going on?

It’s important to pay attention to how people behave because the way they’ve acted in the past is likely to be how they behave in the future. It’s up to you to decide if that’s acceptable to you.

The key in any healthy relationship is to be with someone who is open, honest and willing to talk about things with you when you have a concern. Take some time to think about how you want to be treated in a relationship and what kind of people you want to be around. You get to decide whether the relationship works for you. Remember to always treat yourself well and be with people who help you live a positive life. You’re worth it. Take care.

Hi, my ex of 2 years left me 4 months ago because his parent's made it impossible for us/we argued because of it. He still has our photo's on facebook, I don't know why he hasn't deleted them? We agreed to be friends and he didn't bother when I tried :/ He wouldn't see me because "it would hurt too much" and he'l always "have feelings for me" I'm talkign to a guy i've known for 6 years who I have a connection with, I feel i'm cutting off any last change of my ex coming back? :/ Can you help? :/ — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. You can’t control what he does but you can decide what you want to do. It’s always a good idea to do things that help you treat yourself well and live a great life. You might want to ask yourself a few questions to decide what you want to do, such as:

  • What does the way he treated me mean?
  • What do I want in a relationship?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What kind of person do I want to be with?
  • What worked in the relationship, what didn’t, and how did each affect me?
  • What am I doing to take care of myself?
  • What am I doing to live the healthiest and most balanced life possible without a significant other in the picture?
  • What decisions could I make right now that would have the highest possibility of helping me take care of myself?

Take some time to think about questions like these. Over time you’ll decide what’s best for you. The more you do to build yourself up the clearer your perspective will be. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is drama-free and helps you live a positive life. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

Hi! I’m a girl and my bestfriend is a guy and I have know him forever, many years. I’ve liked him for years but have not said anything because I don’t want to ruin the friendship or make it awkward. The last year or so our friendship changed a little we started talking about “fooling around” with each other and he has been flirty. Nothing has really happened yet mostly because I am hesitant to do anything because I don’t want to ruin the friendship. The subject of us being together never comes up. I am afraid to tell him I like him and he hasn’t said anything to me. Its very hard to tell if he just wants to fool around and feels like we are comfortable enough to do that. As long as I have known him he never seemed like the type of person who would just hook up with someone he wasn’t dating or that he didn’t like. Idk if i should say something to him. I feel like just because he wants to “do stuff” with me doesnt mean he likes me in that way? what should i do? thanks.

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. The idea in any relationship is to make sure you do things to treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. That means not doing anything you’re not comfortable with. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What do I need to learn about this person so I can make a positive decision?
  • What can I do to make sure I’m taking care of myself?
  • What do I really want to do?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually figure out what you want to do. It’s also OK to talk about these things with him. Think about what you want to tell him or ask him and then have some kind and calm conversations. Listen to him carefully to decide if his point of view works for you. You can also tell him how you feel if you’d like. The more conversations you have the easier it will be for you to decide what you want to do.

You get to decide what you want in any relationship. Always keep in mind that you deserve to be with someone who appreciates who you are and is willing to commit to you. Take care.

My girl friend has cheated on me three times and I really do love her. Shes the only one who has stayed with me through the hardest part of my life. Not even my parents wanted me. We just took a break then got back together. The first break she cheated on me for the third time. Like usual I forgave her. Then two days after she wanted another break. This time I don't know if I should take her back. She really wants me back. I just don't want to get hurt anymore. help — braindeadthinker

Thank you for sharing your situation. Going through a break up is hard. In any relationship, we show people how to treat us by what behavior we’re willing to accept. You’re girlfriend is also showing you how she’s likely to behave in the future through her behavior up to now. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do next. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do such as:

  • What kind of person do I want in my life?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What are the essential qualities I need in a significant other?
  • What are the positives and negatives in my relationship and which affect my life more?
  • What kind of decision can I make that will help me take care of myself and move in a positive direction?
  • What is my inner voice telling me to do?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually figure out what you want to do. The idea is to do things in life that help you take care of yourself and move in a positive direction. Remember that you deserve someone in your life who treats you wonderfully and meets your needs. You’re worth it. Take care.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and seven months. He plans to move away in the summer to an affordable location where the major appeal is that's where all his friends live. I feel like I'm just something to occupy his time before he leaves to start the real life he's always wanted. I feel like he doesn't care that we will ultimately break up because of his decision and that he doesn't appreciate me. I don't want to bring it up for fear of breaking up early. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard when things change in a relationship. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do based on what you’re observing in the relationship. You might find it helpful to ask yourself a couple of questions:

  • How do I want to be treated in a relationship?
  • Is he treating me positively?
  • What is working for me in the relationship and what isn’t?
  • What kind of person do I want to be in a relationship with?
  • What do I need to do to take care of myself and move in a positive direction?
  • What does my inner voice tell me I should do?

If you want to find out what he’s thinking you might consider talking with him calmly and kindly, asking him questions, listening to him as well as letting him know how you feel. Then you’ll have additional information so you can decide what to do. The important thing is to remember that you’re a valuable person who deserves to be treated well and be a priority in a relationship. Take care.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and the first three months he showed me he loved me and everything he was just perfect. But these last few months have been so different, he is not the same. He doesn't show he cares anymore he doesn't fight for me like he used too.
I don't know what to do, Thankyou. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. People show you who they are through their actions. You might find it helpful to pay close attention to his behavior and ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What is his behavior telling me?
  • How does his behavior make me feel?
  • How do I want to be treated in a relationship?
  • What kind of person do I want to be in a relationship with?
  • What things are very important to me in a relationship and am I with someone who is doing those things?

It’s important in any relationship for people to be there for their partners. You get to decide what you need in a relationship and how you allow him to treat you. You might want to come up with the top one or two things you’d like to tell him and then have some calm and kind conversations with him. Make sure you listen carefully to what he says without interrupting or reacting negatively.

Gather information and learn about what kind of person he is. Then you’ll be able to make a decision about what to do. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is there for you and behaves in positive ways. Take care.