I've liked this guy ever since we started to get serious a little over a year ago. While we were talking, he stopped talking to me for another girl whom he is currently dating - for a year, so far. Since we've stopped talking, we've hung out with with our mutual best friend and every time he's flirted with me like the girlfriend doesn't exist. i didn't even know he was still with her but i kept my distance anyway. Our friend even said that we look good together. I don't know what to think.. — hackysackthat

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want to do in any relationship and how you want to be treated. You might want to take some time to think about what’s worked, what hasn’t and what you would like to ask him about and then talk calmly and kindly with him. Ask him questions, listen to him and let him know what you think and feel as well.

Make sure to pay attention to whether his actions match his words because, the way he behaves now is likely to be how he acts in the future. It’s up to you to decide if his behavior is acceptable to you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who behaves well, wants to be with you exclusively and treats you with respect. Take care.

I've been hanging out with this guy for a couple weeks. He already told me straight forward, that he doesn't date. Ever since I've been pretending that I don't care, but I do. When we hand out, he always makes me feel like I'm his girlfriend by holding my hand, hug me by every chance he'll get & kisses me. And I really like him, but I don't want to be that girl he just wants to have fun with. I'm just confused. HELP! — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. The key in any healthy relationship is to ask the other person for what you need. That means that you get to decide what kind of relationship is appropriate for you, how you want to be treated and what kind of person you want to be with.

You might find it helpful to take some time and think about what kind of relationship you want. Think in terms of how you can make sure to take care of yourself and move your life in a positive direction. Then look for a person who will value your needs.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and meets your needs. You’re worth it. Take care.

I dated the same guy for 2 years. About a month after we broke up he started dating a new girl. This was 10 months ago, & while they've been dating he's been texting me saying he still loves me & he wants to have sex with me again. I told him many times to stop contacting me & to leave me alone, because the more he talks to me, the harder it is to be over him. I miss him, and I think a part of me will always love him. I want him to break up with his girlfriend & be with me but do i say anything? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up and it’s normal to wonder what you want to do. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. It’s always a good idea to look at what’s happened in the past because it’s likely to be what happens in the future. Pay close attention to how he’s behaving now and what it might mean. For example: What does it mean when someone is going out with a person and texting another?

You might want to take some time to think about what you want to do and ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What can I do to make sure I take care of myself and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What worked in my relationship and what didn’t? How did each affect me? 
  • What limits and boundaries am I setting?
  • What am I doing to figure out who I am and live a great life?
  • What am I doing to build myself up that doesn’t involve him?
  • What do I know about myself and how I deal with loss?

Think about questions like these for a while and you’ll figure out what you want to do. The key is to behave in ways that help you live a positive life. Keep in mind that it’s beneficial to try to have a relationship with someone who is fully available. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is committed to you and treats you wonderfully. Take care.