Relationship Advice Blog

The Relationship Situation

Before the “break” I was in an international long distance relationship for four years. We had met each other for the week in which I had stayed overseas with him. There was never any concern with either of us whether there was infidelity, adultery or anything of that likeness. Our relationship was strong. Communication, and devotion. He made a hold on the relationship due to personal issues he had in his own life. Not being able to support us, or himself as a man. I understood, painfully, and attempted to find my own comforts. Within the many accounts of being used, pushed away, and lack of connection.. I truly began to realize and think I would never love again.. never love anyone but this person. Two months ago he re-entered from the break and seemed to take things the way they were, but realistically since we’re so far apart. In the meantime, I started a close relationship, that seemed to have fallen into my hands. I am not in love with this new person.. what should I do?

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and with whom. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

• What kind of relationship do I want?
• How do I want to be treated?
• What does each person’s behavior tell me about how they will behave in the future?
• What would be the effect of any decision I might make?
• What decision can I make that will help me treat myself well and move my life in a positive direction?
• What things am I doing to make sure I’m the healthiest and most balanced person possible without a significant other in my life?

Asking yourself questions like these will help you decide what you want to do. The key is to make decisions that help you move in a positive direction and enjoy healthy relationships. It’s also a good idea to pay attention to how people have behaved in the past because it signals what they’re likely to do in the future.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you wonderfully and helps you live a positive life. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

i have been romantically and physically involved with someone for the past few months. it has been the most committed relationship i’ve ever been in, yet we cannot call it a relationship because he doesn’t want to commit. he is worried that he won’t be able to be there for me. this weekend we ‘broke up’ because he panicked when i found myself in a scary situation and called him to tell him about it. he cares too deeply for me and doesn’t want to have to care so much for anyone.

he is my best friend and i really want to continue to be involved with him. i was visiting him when we broke up and he told me to stay over and not to go looking for another place to sleep, so i stayed over and we cuddled all night. i was on my period all weekend and my hormones were going crazy because i had taken plan b at the beginning of the month. i told him I wasn’t myself and he said he wouldn’t judge me. i dont know if we are still together. i love him and i want him to commit. help

The Relationship Advice 

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to make decisions in a relationship that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. That means behaving in ways that are positive for you, not that might create difficulties.

You might want to take some time to think about your situation and what’s best for you. Ask yourself some questions such as:

• If I continue to do what I’m doing now, where will it end up and how will it affect my life?
• What’s worked so far, what hasn’t and what might I do differently to move in a positive direction?
• What does his behavior up to now tell me?
• What kind of relationship do I want?
• What am I doing to make sure I treat myself well and move in a positive direction?
• What am I doing to be the happiest, healthiest me possible without a significant other in the picture?

Take some time to think carefully about questions like these. It’s always beneficial to think about things before doing anything. Perhaps you could have some conversations where you both talk about what’s important to you and listen to each other. The more you know about each other, the more information you’ll have to make beneficial decisions.

You can’t change what he thinks or does, only he can do that. Pay attention to his behavior up to now. The things he’s done so far are likely to be what he’ll do in the future. It’s up to you to decide if that’s what you want. The only person’s behavior you can control is yours.

Do come careful thinking and remember that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who is willing to commit to you. Take care.

People often ask me for advice on how to have a great relationship. Here are some practical tips:

• Be yourself.
• Ask for what you need.
• Work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
• Don’t settle for someone who isn’t a good fit.
• Don’t be afraid to spend time alone and get to know yourself.
• Behave in positive ways that inspire trust.
• Tell the other person what they mean to you, do it frequently. 
• Work on being the healthiest and happiest you before getting into a relationship.
• Expect your significant other to treat you well.
• Keep learning and growing.
• Communicate frequently, openly, calmly and kindly.
• Hug and show affection.
• Listen.
• Have fun.
• Be yourself.
• Did I mention being yourself? 

Do these things consistently and you’ll enjoy your relationships much more. Take care.