So me and my boyfriend of 6 months just broke up and of course I'm hurting real bad. We're both college freshman from the same state, different town. He was such a nice caring guy in the beginning of our relationship and turned into a complete jerk. We fought constantly and i find it hard to play it off when he's all over social networks saying how much of a good time he's having, I can't bring myself to be like that. Is he even hurting? He said he wanted to work things out but not right now. — srp11

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. One beneficial thing you can do is make sure that you treat yourself well and help yourself heal. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you love doing in life and what you can do to build yourself up without a significant other. Think about what worked and what didn’t in your relationship as well as what you might do differently in the future.

You can’t do anything about what he’s thinking and feeling but you can make sure that you celebrate how great you are and keep moving your life in a positive direction. Consider talking and hanging out with trusted people and meeting new and interesting individuals. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who appreciates how great you are, treats you well and wants to spend time with you. You’re that important. Take care.

I was dating this guy for two months and he broke up with me because Im depressed and I have been for three years. I was slowly making him depressed too. But Ive realized how much Ive hurt him and Ive been slowly trying to get better. When we broke up he said that he loved me and he really meant it and we should try again some other time and that he just couldnt do it anymore. But ever since then we havent talked in a month and I still love him too & miss him. We were in a serious relationship. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up but it can also be an opportunity to reflect and heal. It’s important for both people in a relationship to be as healthy as possible so they can help themselves and each other grow and enjoy life. You might think about taking some time to take care of yourself exclusively without worrying about a significant other.

Consider giving yourself the gift of seeing a therapist so you can discover how great you are and learn skills to cope with depression. They may even suggest other beneficial resources. Celebrate who you are as well. Do things you love, hang out with other interesting people, plan your future, study, exercise and find out who you are as a person.

The stronger and healthier you get, the more likely you’ll be to attract wonderful people into your life. Once you’ve taken some time to heal yourself you’ll also have a new perspective on your current relationship situation as well as future ones. Remember that you’re an important person and you deserve to take care of yourself first and then invite amazing people into your life. Take care. 

hey.. how do u deal with break up's is there anything to forget bot your ex and past life? — Anonymous

Thank you for your question. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. A positive way to move forward is to be the best person you can be and live a great life. Do positive things that lead you in a positive direction such as:

  • Do things you love and get to know yourself.
  • Make a list of things that are great about you and put it somewhere where you can read it every day.
  • Hang out with friends and make new ones.
  • Plan what you want to do with the rest of your life.
  • Read about things you enjoy and keep learning.
  • Exercise and stay active.
  • Celebrate who you are without a significant other.

You get to decide how you deal with a break up. When you do positive things and take care of yourself you’ll build yourself up and heal more quickly. Take care.

hey, ive recently broke up with my ex- bf. And its been 2 days now. That we broke up, what the best way to deal with break-ups? And how can you forget bot your past relationship? Thank you for your time. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. Two of the things that help heal the hurt are:

  1. Time.
  2. Focusing on yourself and living a great life. 

It’s natural to feel any number of emotions during a break up including sadness and anger. The key is to experience whatever comes your way and realize it’s a normal part of going through a break up. You might consider taking some time to heal and take care of yourself. Do things you love, study, hang out with friends, make new ones, make a list of all the wonderful things about you and display it where you can see it, plan your future and exercise.

The more you do to build yourself up and enjoy life, the better you’ll feel. Keep in mind along the way that you’re a great person who deserves to live a great life with or without a significant other. Take care.

my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.

You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings. 

You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.

It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.

I have been off and on with the same guy for the past year. In June I found out I was pregnant but eventually chose abortion after pressure from him. Just a week after that, I found out he had been cheating on me with random guys from Craigslist. We just broke up for the final time a few days ago and he said it's because I just didn't love him. I forgave him for every infidelity he had (which continued after we broke up) and after he primarily wanted abortion. Could I really have loved him more? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the most important lessons in any relationship is that you can’t do anything about someone else’s behavior, no matter how much you love them. That means that you can only control your behavior and you get to choose how you move forward. The key is to make sure you treat yourself well and learn from your experiences. You might want to ask yourself a couple of questions so you can reach a point where you feel OK, such as:

  • What worked in the situation?
  • What didn’t work? 
  • What signals were there that I would watch out for in the future?
  • What would I do differently in the future?
  • What am I going to do to take care of myself?
  • What am I going to do to build myself up?
  • How am I going to celebrate myself and how great I am?
  • What am I doing to plan the rest of my life?

Once you do some careful thinking about questions like these you can move on to ask yourself what kind of relationships you want in the future and what kind of people you want to be with.

Remember to give yourself a chance to heal and discover how amazing you are without a significant other. It’s always a positive idea to do things to love yourself. You’re worth it. Take care.

I had an abortion a week ago and I've been feeling depressed about it. The guy I'm seeing is in Korea taking care of his mother (she is undergoing treatment for breast cancer). He calls/emails at least once a day, but I recently sent him a message saying that I felt that he didn't miss me, that I didn't want him to contact me if he's being half-hearted. It's been 2 days, and he hasn't contacted me. He's never done this before. Is he mad or did something come up with his mom? What's going on? — mysharperatio

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s natural to feel depressed when you’re going through challenges in life. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to be perfect and it’s OK to feel whatever you’re feeling and ask for help. The key is to feel what you’re feeling , heal and then continue trying to be the best you possible.

It might be beneficial for you to focus on yourself rather than someone else. Take some time to heal and comfort yourself rather than worrying about what someone else thinks. Perhaps you might consider giving yourself the gift of talking with a therapist. It would give you the opportunity to talk to someone who will listen to you and give you ideas of how to deal with what you’re going through. It’s a way of treating yourself well.

You can also talk with people you trust and spend time with people who are important to you other than your significant other. Once you find some calm and balance and reconnect with your wonderful self, you can think about the relationship part. The key is to take care of yourself and treat yourself well first.

Remember that you’re a wonderful person who deserves to live a great life. Take care.