I dated the same guy for 2 years. About a month after we broke up he started dating a new girl. This was 10 months ago, & while they've been dating he's been texting me saying he still loves me & he wants to have sex with me again. I told him many times to stop contacting me & to leave me alone, because the more he talks to me, the harder it is to be over him. I miss him, and I think a part of me will always love him. I want him to break up with his girlfriend & be with me but do i say anything? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up and it’s normal to wonder what you want to do. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. It’s always a good idea to look at what’s happened in the past because it’s likely to be what happens in the future. Pay close attention to how he’s behaving now and what it might mean. For example: What does it mean when someone is going out with a person and texting another?

You might want to take some time to think about what you want to do and ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What can I do to make sure I take care of myself and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What worked in my relationship and what didn’t? How did each affect me? 
  • What limits and boundaries am I setting?
  • What am I doing to figure out who I am and live a great life?
  • What am I doing to build myself up that doesn’t involve him?
  • What do I know about myself and how I deal with loss?

Think about questions like these for a while and you’ll figure out what you want to do. The key is to behave in ways that help you live a positive life. Keep in mind that it’s beneficial to try to have a relationship with someone who is fully available. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is committed to you and treats you wonderfully. Take care.

Okay, so I had been with my boyfriend for two years, the last two weeks of our relationship, he decides to stop talking to me. He finally ended it and a two days later he gets together with this girl he met. A month later he contacts me telling me he misses me and I decide to give him another chance. A month has now passed and he is beginning to act the same way. When I manage to get hold of him and question what's up, he tells me he's just feeling down and he still loves me. Can I trust this? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can pretty much tell how someone is going to behave in the future by how they’ve behaved in the past in the relationship. That means that you have the ability to decide whether it’s acceptable to you.

Listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s really going on. It’s up to you to choose what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. Keep in mind that, in a healthy relationship, people treat each other with kindness and care and want to spend time together. Pay attention to his behavior, it’s sending you some clear messages.

You might want to think carefully about what’s best for you. For example: What kind of person do you want to be with and how do you want them to treat you? Remember that you deserve to be with someone who commits to you and values who you are. Take care.

I'm still in love with my ex. We broke up in August and I foolishly messed around with a friend on two separate occasions in November knowing that I still loved him. That same month my ex wanted to fix what had gone wrong in our relationship and he asked if I had been faithful to our relationship. I told him the truth and he can't forgive me for what happened. I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Is there any way I can help him forgive me? He says that he still loves me and needs time. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to realize that people can’t expect you to behave a certain way when they’re not in a relationship with you. That’s a form of controlling behavior.

You get to behave any way you want as long as it moves you in a positive direction and you’re treating yourself well. You might take some time to think about what you really want to do. What kind of relationship do you want? How do you want to be treated?

It’s OK to give things some time. This gives you a chance to think about the positives and negatives in the relationship and how each affected your life. You can do things you love doing and build yourself up. You can celebrate how great you are without someone else in the picture. This will give you additional perspective on who you are and what you want in a relationship.

If you decide it’s appropriate, you can have some calm and kind conversations with him. Listen very carefully to what he says and decide for yourself if it fits what you need. The idea is to be in a healthy relationship where you both let go of the past and build a future together.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you wonderfully and accepts you as you are. Take care.

im 18 and so is my boyfriend we have been together for 8months. he told me a few days ago he wanted a break becasue he wasnt sure how he felt about me and he said hes angry that his feelings for me have changed he used to feel butterflies when he was with me. we broke up on the tuesday i dont really no how, he says i deserve better. i feel like he still loves me just that its not as intense as it was. is there any hope he will regret our break up and we can get back together? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up and it’s impossible to tell what’s going to happen in the future but you can do a few things to make sure you’re taking care of yourself:

  • Make a list of all the things that are great about you.
  • Do things you love that don’t require a boyfriend.
  • Hang out with friends.
  • Think about what you would do differently in a relationship in the future.
  • Volunteer for an organization that means something to you.
  • Make some new friends.
  • Read about subjects you love and build up your brain.

A break up is hard but it gives you a chance to learn new things about yourself and become an even healthier and more balanced person. Take some time to focus on yourself and how great you are and become as healthy as you can. You deserve it.

If things are meant to work out then he’ll come around. If he doesn’t, then you’ll already be doing positive things and attracting other people who value the person you are. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and wants to be with you. Take care.