The Relationship Situation

i have been romantically and physically involved with someone for the past few months. it has been the most committed relationship i’ve ever been in, yet we cannot call it a relationship because he doesn’t want to commit. he is worried that he won’t be able to be there for me. this weekend we ‘broke up’ because he panicked when i found myself in a scary situation and called him to tell him about it. he cares too deeply for me and doesn’t want to have to care so much for anyone.

he is my best friend and i really want to continue to be involved with him. i was visiting him when we broke up and he told me to stay over and not to go looking for another place to sleep, so i stayed over and we cuddled all night. i was on my period all weekend and my hormones were going crazy because i had taken plan b at the beginning of the month. i told him I wasn’t myself and he said he wouldn’t judge me. i dont know if we are still together. i love him and i want him to commit. help

The Relationship Advice 

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to make decisions in a relationship that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. That means behaving in ways that are positive for you, not that might create difficulties.

You might want to take some time to think about your situation and what’s best for you. Ask yourself some questions such as:

  • If I continue to do what I’m doing now, where will it end up and how will it affect my life?
  • What’s worked so far, what hasn’t and what might I do differently to move in a positive direction?
  • What does his behavior up to now tell me?
  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What am I doing to make sure I treat myself well and move in a positive direction?
  • What am I doing to be the happiest, healthiest me possible without a significant other in the picture?

Take some time to think carefully about questions like these. It’s always beneficial to think about things before doing anything. Perhaps you could have some conversations where you both talk about what’s important to you and listen to each other. The more you know about each other, the more information you’ll have to make beneficial decisions.

You can’t change what he thinks or does, only he can do that. Pay attention to his behavior up to now. The things he’s done so far are likely to be what he’ll do in the future. It’s up to you to decide if that’s what you want. The only person’s behavior you can control is yours.

Do come careful thinking and remember that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who is willing to commit to you. Take care.

Hello! So, a couple of years ago I had really strong feelings for this guy that I know, which consequently means these feelings have somewhat stuck with me even up until now. I'm in a relationship at the moment, and he's just gotten into a relationship, which means there's probably a slim chance of us getting together. I don't know whether this is an indication that I shouldn't be in the relationship I'm in. Please, help! — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what’s best for you in any relationship. You get to choose what type of relationship you want and with whom. Perhaps you might ask yourself a couple of questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What are the characteristics of a positive relationship?
  • What am I doing that’s working, what’s not working and what might I do differently to get better results?
  • What am I doing to move my life in a positive direction?
  • What am I doing to feel great about myself without a significant other? 

Take some time to think about questions like these. It’s always a good idea to also focus on yourself and do things to become the happiest and healthiest person you can be on your own. That way, you’ll attract great people who appreciate the real you. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship. It’s OK to take time to figure out what you want and what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to have deep, fulfilling relationships that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. Take care.

Relationship Advice - How to Have a Great Relationship

People often ask me for advice on how to have a great relationship. Here are some practical tips:

  • Be yourself.
  • Ask for what you need.
  • Work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
  • Don’t settle for someone who isn’t a good fit.
  • Don’t be afraid to spend time alone and get to know yourself.
  • Behave in positive ways that inspire trust.
  • Tell the other person what they mean to you, do it frequently. 
  • Work on being the healthiest and happiest you before getting into a relationship.
  • Expect your significant other to treat you well.
  • Keep learning and growing.
  • Communicate frequently, openly, calmly and kindly.
  • Hug and show affection.
  • Listen.
  • Have fun.
  • Be yourself.
  • Did I mention being yourself? 

Do these things consistently and you’ll enjoy your relationships much more. Take care.

Let's call the guys this is about, guy1 and guy2. Guy1 & me went out, but he broke up with me. Dont know why, it was a hard time after the breakup. I never got over him. Guy2 came along then made me happy and that, I went out wif him. But, when some of my so called friends made fun of me. He just STOOD there. I felt really hurt. & while guy2 was busy worrying about other things, guy1 was there for me, making me laugh in the most hilarious ways. I don't know what to do. Im stuck at a crossroad :( — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide who you want a relationship with and how you want to be treated. It’s always important to be around people who treat you consistently well. You might take some time to think about a few questions, like:

  • What kind of person do I want to be with?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What am I doing to make sure I move in a positive direction?
  • What’s worked in the past, what hasn’t?
  • What am I doing to take care of myself?
  • What am I doing to be the happiest, healthiest person I can be on my own?
  • What do I really want to do?

In life, it’s beneficial to surround yourself with people who deeply care for you and treat you wonderfully. You get to decide who you let into your life and how you let them treat you. Take some time to think and you’ll eventually arrive at what you want to do. Remember that you deserve for people to treat you kindly and be there for you. Take care.

If you are new to a relationship.... how do you get over the awkward feelings? Like being alone, and holding hands etc.? — Anonymous

Thank you for your question. It’s really normal to feel awkward in a relationship. It often happens because people think they have to behave a certain way or appear to be perfect.

The good news is that you don’t have to do anything in a relationship but be yourself. Be the happiest, healthiest, most balanced you possible and just enjoy spending time with the other person. Move slowly so you can really get to know each other. The more you know each other the more comfortable you’ll both be.

You might find it helpful to think of being with the other person as being with a friend. Enjoy hanging out, talking with each other and learning about one another. Tell him about yourself and let him do the same. There is no right or wrong way to have a relationship as long as you’re treating yourselves and each other well.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who values the real you and likes the way you act. Take care.