Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for 7+ months and I love him very much, but he has a very bad habit of calling me a bitch. I tell him everytime to stop, him saying It's a habit and he calls everyone that. Recently I discovered that he doesn't call his ex a bitch ever so it annoys me greatly that he can't stop for me, his girlfriend. I've also discovered that his sends her text saying he's gonna sit her in his lap and do other inappropriate things. What do I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. Name calling is unacceptable in a relationship. It shows a disregard for the other person as well as an inability to control one’s own behavior.

You get to decide what you want in a relationship, what kind of person you want to be with and how you want to be treated. Take some time to think about how he treats you and what his behavior says. It’s likely that the way he behaves now is how he’ll behave in the future unless he’s willing to do a lot of work to change it.

It’s OK to ask people for what you need as well. Let him know how you want to be treated and what you find appropriate. Do it in a kind and calm manner but make sure you ask for what you want. Pay close attention to how he reacts and what he does and consider whether it works for you.

It’s up to you to figure out what kind of people you want to let into your life. In a healthy relationship, people treat each other with respect and kindness and support each other in positive ways. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you wonderfully and values the great person you are. Take care.

My boyfriend&I have been going a for about a year. As our relationship grew, so did how i thought about everything I take the most simple thing and turn it into something completely out of content or just so much more complex then it should be. I overthink everything. I know that if i want my relationship to last I need to get rid of that habit I trust my boyfriend so much and he is loyal, but my habit of over thinking makes me think differently it brings out all my insecurities. how can i stop? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the keys to a great relationship is to love yourself first. When you love who you are you’ll be so comfortable with yourself that you won’t be insecure about things.

You might take some time to think about what is causing your over thinking and insecurity. Ask yourself questions such as:

  • What is causing my over thinking and insecurity?
  • What events in my life led to the way I think now?
  • What is really happening in my relationship?
  • What might not actually be happening?
  • What is likely to happen in my relationship if I continue thinking like this?
  • What is unlikely to happen?
  • What am I doing to help myself be the happiest and most balanced person possible?
  • What am I doing to make sure I’m happy on my own outside of a romantic relationship?
  • Which of my behaviors make me happy and which don’t?
  • Which behaviors would I change to feel happier?
  • What am I willing to do to work on my over thinking and insecurity?

The idea is to think carefully about the reasons behind the over thinking and do other things that lead you in a positive direction. You might consider giving yourself the gift of talking with a therapist so you can learn how to deal with these thoughts and feelings and celebrate how great you are. It’s a way of treating yourself well.

You get to decide how you behave in any relationship and how you take care of yourself. Remember that you deserve to feel secure about yourself and others and enjoy positive relationships. Take care.