My current boyfriend is not friends with any of his exs, he actually hates them all, Should this be a red flag? I feel like it is. Whenever I ask ablut them he only has really bad things to say. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea in any relationship to be aware of how someone has behaved in past. This will usually be a reliable indicator of how they will behave with you, unless they work hard and for a long time to change the pattern.

The key in any relationship is to listen to your inner voice. It’s the one telling you if his behavior is positive or negative. Pay close attention to what he’s saying and what it might mean about his behavior and then decide if it’s a good fit for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who behaves kindly, treats you and others well and says great things about people in general. You’re worth it. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

I was flirting with a staff member at the club and he said, "I can't wait to bump into you off the clock (because he was working and worried he would get in trouble)". So, I gave him my number and he kissed my hand. This happened Saturday and he has yet to call or text. Was he not really that interested or has he just not got around to getting in contact? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to tell what anyone is thinking in a relationship without asking them. Perhaps you might think about what you want to know about him and then talking with him. It’s also beneficial to pay close attention to his behavior and decide if it matches how you want to be treated.

Keep in mind that it’s important to move forward slowly and get to know him well before you decide if he’s a good fit for you. That will help you take care of yourself and make positive decisions. Also keep in mind that if someone is really interested in you they will treat you with respect, want to spend time with you and follow up promptly because they value who you are. Their actions will also match their words. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

I'e been with my boyfriend 9 months & we have sex regular but last night he just stopped in the middle of us having it & said he doesn't think I put enough effort into it. I always try to make him satisfied in bed but it seems like I'm not good enough. I wondered what I could do to make it better for him as I know he loves me because he tells me all the time, it's just I think he wants a relationship with great sex & I can't fault him for that, I just don't want him to think I'm crap in bed. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the best ways to deal with any issue in a relationship is to talk openly about things. You might want to ask him some questions such as:

  • What do you mean when you say _____?
  • What do you like?
  • What does a good sex life mean to you?

Listen closely to the answers and then decide if the way he’s thinking and behaving are a good fit for you. Remember that it’s perfectly OK for you to be who you are. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with and you also get to tell him what you find appropriate. The idea is to talk about things calmly and kindly and listen to each other so you can learn what each of you likes. You’re both equally important.

Keep communicating about things and you’ll eventually have a better idea of what each of you is looking for. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you kindly, values who you are and listens to what you need as well. You’re worth it. Take care.

I've been dating a guy since mid September, and he still hasn't made me his official gf. I'm ok with this because he lives 5 hours away and and also because I had just ended a 5 year relationship in February. I've been taking things slow because I don't want to end up getting hurt like I did last time, but just recently I've found myself falling in love with him. Should I tell him even though we're not official yet? I mean, I don't want to scare him off or rush him into something serious. Help!! — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you need in a relationship and what you do. Perhaps you might think in terms of continuing to get to know him as a friend so that you reach a point where you’re comfortable telling him anything. Have plenty of friendly conversations where you learn about each other and listen to one another. The more you talk with each other the less you’ll have to guess what’s going on.

It’s always a good idea to get to know someone slowly because you’ll be able to tell if he’s a good fit for you before making any major decisions. Remember that you deserve to take your time because it gives you a chance to take care of yourself, get to know him well and figure out where the relationship is headed. You’re worth it. Take care.

So I've liked this guy for a couple years and he says he likes me back but doesn't have time for a relationship right now. He tends to be flirtatious towards other girls and doesn't understand why I get jealous. I'm thinking he's using me because he's very wishy-washy in everything he says. Is it time to let him go and move on? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and whom you want to be with. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what’s important to you and how you want to be treated.

Consider having some kind and calm conversations with him to let him know how you feel as well as listening to him. Learn about his perspective and decide he’s a good fit for you. Pay attention to how he’s behaved up to now as well, it’s likely to be what he’ll do in the future. Keep in mind that it’s always a good idea to be with someone who genuinely wants to be with you and will meet your needs. You’re that important. Take care.

my boyfriend and i have been fighting so much recently. today i got really upset because my boyfriend said he didnt like the idea of the relationship, like being committed and being 'annoyed' all the time by me, i told him if he didnt want to be together then we should break up i dont want to break up, i love him so much, but i want him to want to be in the realtionship and then he kept saying no were not breaking up, so i thought okay he wants to be together. so much more to say but it wont fit — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Perhaps you might take some time to ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • How do I want to be treated?
  • What’s really important to me?
  • What’s worked so far and what hasn’t? What would I do differently?
  • What am I doing to make sure I’m taking care of myself and moving my life in a positive direction?

These types of questions will help you decide what you want to do next. You also might find it beneficial to talk with him calmly and kindly about these things and let him know what you need. Make sure to listen to him as well. The more you learn about his perspective, the more you’ll know if he’s a good fit for you.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and treats you wonderfully. Take care.

I've been dating a guy now for a few months.. I really like him but I also kinda have a crush on his friend who is a lot more like me and also closer to my age (I'm 18, the guy I'm dating is 23) I don't know what to do — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you decide to do in any relationship. The general idea is to be with someone who really makes sense to you and is a good fit.

Perhaps you might think about what type of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. Think in terms of what’s important to you, who will help you treat yourself well and live positively. Weigh the positives and negatives of any choice you make. Regardless of what you decide to do, make sure you always talk kindly and gently with the people involved.

Remember that you (and other people) deserve to be in a relationship with someone who appreciates the real you and is a good match for you. Take care. 

Relationship Advice Blog