my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.
You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings.
You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.
It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.
