my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.
You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings.
You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.
It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.
I have a boyfriend.. We aren't in a long relationship and he started to change. He is so possesive now. He was never like that. He wants me only for himself. And when I told him to slow down, he just ignored it. He's acting like we're married and he is practically planing our future in 5 years. I'm not like that. He is jealous and paranoid to everyone. I don't know what to do. HELP! — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t do anything about how other people behave, it’s up to them to work on being healthy. It’s always a good idea to pay attention to your inner voice, it’s the one that helps you take care of yourself and be safe.
If someone is possessive, jealous, paranoid, controlling or ignores your wishes, that raises major red flags because those behaviors can lead in a very negative direction, including violence. You can be quite certain that the way he’s behaving now will be how he behaves in the future, it could easily get worse.
The idea in any relationship is to be with someone healthy who encourages you to be you and treats you well. You get to decide what to do and what type of person you date. It’s up to you how you want to be treated and how you take care of yourself. Keep in mind that the only way people change is if they work on it for a long time, preferably with a therapist.
You might consider taking an immediate break from the relationship so you can breathe and get some perspective. Decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. Do some careful thinking about who you are and what kind of person you want in your life. Tell people you trust what’s going on. Spend time with your friends and do things you love. Think about your future and what you want to do without a significant other in the picture. Be as healthy as you can be and celebrate how amazing you are.
Remember that you’re a valuable and important person who deserves to be treated gently and respectfully in a relationship. Take care.
