So I am left confused. My ex broke up with me twice. !st time stating we are way to different but still had feelings for me. Last time she said she wasnt sure of her feelings. I wanted some closure and asked her the faithful question why,she said I wasnt what she wanted.we have the same group of friends so we r cordial. Anyway couple weeks ago she has been very affectionate and we hooked up 2x, but recently I am being affectionate 2 but now she is acting uninterested and cold. What does it mean? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to watch how people behave in a relationship because it’s likely to be how they’ll act in the future. That means that you get to decide whether the way she’s acting now is the way you want to be treated.

In a healthy relationship, the people are clear about their feelings and actions and work hard to treat each other well and behave in positive ways. You might want to take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated and then decide what’s best for you.

Remember that you’re an important person and you deserve to be with someone who behaves in a healthy, balanced way and values who you are. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

I feel like I may be becoming "one of the guys" within a group of my guy friends. I know they see me as a girl, but because we are all so comfortable with each other, I feel like that line may be blurred sometimes. I really like one of the guys in the group, and have growing feelings towards another one. I want to keep our friendship, obviously, but I don't want them to lose sight of the fact that i'm a girl. How can I do that? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide how you behave in any relationship and that will affect how people perceive you. For example: If you act like a guy, you’ll be treated like a guy. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want to do next and then have a kind and calm conversation with whomever is involved when you feel like the time is appropriate.

In the meantime, it’s OK to keep getting to know people as friends. A lot of positive romantic relationship grow out of strong friendships because the people know and trust each other. Take your time and keep communicating openly. Ask them questions and listen to what they have to say as well as telling them what you’re thinking. Over time you’ll get a sense for what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated and enjoy healthy romantic relationships as well. Take care.

So I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a 11months, I broke up with her today because I thought it was the right thing to do, and I'm not sure though. I don't feel a thing. No pain, no happiness, nothing at all. What does this mean? this is the second time that I have done this this year. It's confusing. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you’re feeling in any relationship. You don’t have to feel any certain way, just experience whatever it is that’s going on inside you.

Sometimes people block out feelings because they don’t want to experience them or haven’t yet learned what they are or what to do with them. That creates a situation where they keep things bottled up until they explode at some later time or they pretend the feelings don’t exist. The thing to keep in mind is that feelings are a normal part of life.

Perhaps you might find it helpful to take some time to look inside yourself and identify what you’re feeling. You can feel happiness, sadness, anger, fear or love, for example. Numbness is often the absence of feelings, which means that the person hasn’t yet learned to identify what they feel. Each time you feel something just give it a name and say to yourself, “I’m feeling ______.” The more you practice giving your feelings a name the easier it will be for you to understand what’s going on.

The key in life is to learn how to experience any feeling that comes your way and learn from it. Healthy relationships are built on both people sharing their feelings. Remember that you deserve to have fulfilling relationships with people you can share your feelings with. Take care.

Hello! So, a couple of years ago I had really strong feelings for this guy that I know, which consequently means these feelings have somewhat stuck with me even up until now. I'm in a relationship at the moment, and he's just gotten into a relationship, which means there's probably a slim chance of us getting together. I don't know whether this is an indication that I shouldn't be in the relationship I'm in. Please, help! — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what’s best for you in any relationship. You get to choose what type of relationship you want and with whom. Perhaps you might ask yourself a couple of questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What are the characteristics of a positive relationship?
  • What am I doing that’s working, what’s not working and what might I do differently to get better results?
  • What am I doing to move my life in a positive direction?
  • What am I doing to feel great about myself without a significant other? 

Take some time to think about questions like these. It’s always a good idea to also focus on yourself and do things to become the happiest and healthiest person you can be on your own. That way, you’ll attract great people who appreciate the real you. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship. It’s OK to take time to figure out what you want and what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to have deep, fulfilling relationships that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. Take care.

The guy I'm in love with is trying to get me to have sex with someone just once. We're not together. But I believe he does care. He is begging me to do it. But he doesn't understand that I just want him. I tell him over & over again but he keeps telling me to do it. I feel like he is testing me but then again I'm not sure. He says he won't be mad. I asked him if he loves me, he said of you do this I will. Then said just do it & tell me how you feel after. I want him, but I'm so scared. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. The only person who gets to decide what you do in a relationship is you. That means that you choose how you behave. It’s always a good idea to behave in ways that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

It’s never positive when someone plays with your feelings or asks you to do something you don’t want to do. In a healthy relationship, the people are kind with each other and do everything possible to make each other comfortable.

You might take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. You’re a valuable and important individual and you deserve to be with someone who treats you respectfully, not someone who plays games with you.

Perhaps you might take a breath and step back for a moment to do some careful thinking. Consider how wonderful you are and how you deserve to be treated in a relationship. Ask yourself whether love means someone making fun of you and asking you to do things you don’t want to do. Always remember that you’re worth being treated well. Take care.

I'm dating my best friend whom I've known for a decade. He's one of those really sensitive guys who covers it up by being super sarcastic and jokes about everything. He was put down and teased a lot when he was younger so he learned to put up walls. Even with our long history he doesn't seem to trust me enough to let his guard down. How can I prove to him that being a softy is ok and that his heart and feelings are safe with me? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You know you’re in a great relationship when you can put your walls down and be soft. Not everyone is at that point and only they can get there. One of the things you can do is just continue being a soft place to land. Over time he’ll either get the message that it’s OK to let his guard down or he’ll continue behaving the same way.

It’s up to you to decide if the way he behaves works for you. You can’t change him but you can make sure you take care of yourself and keep your life moving in a positive direction. You might find it helpful to keep building the relationship. Get to know each other, talk often and share your lives with each other. The more you know and understand each other the better chance that he’ll feel comfortable.

Don’t forget to celebrate yourself along the way and make sure you’re in a relationship that works for you. You’re worth it. Take care.

Hey, so long story short. Fell so hard for a guy about a year ago, but by summer we had decided to just be friends because we were so busy. Things fell so easily into place before, it was amazing. We share similar values, hobbies and lifestyle but live a little ways away from each other (not a big deal). I have not moved on, and I don't think he has either. It seems like he likes me as well, still. What should I do about it ? Should I do anything? He is still important to me. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want. Perhaps you might find it helpful to have some calm and kind conversations with each other to find out what’s going on. Ask each other questions and listen carefully to each other. Keep it calm and friendly and just learn about each other.

It’s OK to share your thoughts and feelings with him and ask him about his. Make sure you listen to what he says and watch what he does so you can decide if things are working for you. The more you talk with him the better idea you’ll have about what you want to do next. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is interested in you and values your feelings. Take care.