My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.

You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.

You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and we're having the best time together! But he has this girl mate I'm also friends with and I know they've always been close and I'm absolutely fine with it! I trust him 100% but I don't trust her 100%. She's forever flirting with him making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I let my boyfriend know how I felt and he felt awful, reassuring me that I was his and she wasn't, but what do I do to feel less uncomfortable around them? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s very positive that you’ve let him know how you feel. It’s always a good idea to let people know what you want and do it in a calm, kind manner.

You get to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. You might find it helpful to have some kind and calm conversations with your boyfriend where you tell him how you feel and ask him questions. Talk when you’re both relaxed and have time, not when you’re in the middle of a difficult situation. Make sure to listen to each other without interrupting, arguing or rebutting.

The idea is just to talk about things and learn what’s really going on instead of guessing or reading into it. You might also want to watch his behavior. Pay close attention to what he actually does and decide if it’s acceptable to you. He’s currently sending you some clear messages. You might even let him know it’s great that he has a friend and that you’d like to get to know her too and see what he says and does.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who focuses on you and values you. You get to decide whether his behavior works for you or not. Take care.