I met this guy back in September and we became very close very fast. He cheated on her with me. He apologized a thousand times because he loves his girlfriend, but things became awkward. I used to be depressed and still have pieces of that with me, so it's really hard for me to come up and talk. He usually avoids deep conversations, but lately he's been trying to get me to spill it the beans. He knows I like him, but I don't know how to approach him anymore. What should I do? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want to do in any relationship and it’s also a good idea to pay attention to how the other person behaves. The way he acts now is likely to be how he acts in the future. The only person’s behavior you have control over is yours.
The general idea is to make sure you behave in ways that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You might take some time to think about what’s worked so far, what hasn’t and what you would do differently. Then you can have some calm and kind conversations with him, ask each other questions and listen to one another.
You might also consider making sure you’re as healthy and balanced as possible so you can make decisions you’re happy with. Pay attention to yourself and build yourself up before worrying about a significant other. The healthier you are, the more positive your relationships will be. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively, communicates openly and treats you wonderfully. Take care.
I was dating this guy for two months and he broke up with me because Im depressed and I have been for three years. I was slowly making him depressed too. But Ive realized how much Ive hurt him and Ive been slowly trying to get better. When we broke up he said that he loved me and he really meant it and we should try again some other time and that he just couldnt do it anymore. But ever since then we havent talked in a month and I still love him too & miss him. We were in a serious relationship. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up but it can also be an opportunity to reflect and heal. It’s important for both people in a relationship to be as healthy as possible so they can help themselves and each other grow and enjoy life. You might think about taking some time to take care of yourself exclusively without worrying about a significant other.
Consider giving yourself the gift of seeing a therapist so you can discover how great you are and learn skills to cope with depression. They may even suggest other beneficial resources. Celebrate who you are as well. Do things you love, hang out with other interesting people, plan your future, study, exercise and find out who you are as a person.
The stronger and healthier you get, the more likely you’ll be to attract wonderful people into your life. Once you’ve taken some time to heal yourself you’ll also have a new perspective on your current relationship situation as well as future ones. Remember that you’re an important person and you deserve to take care of yourself first and then invite amazing people into your life. Take care.
My boyfriend suddenly isn't sure about our future anymore and won't say that he's going to stay with me and marry me like he used to tell me all the time. He still says he loves me with all his heart and soul and will fight as hard as he can to stay with me, but why won't he say that he's going to marry me anymore? He's been stressed and depressed lately but I didn't think it would work its way into our relationship. What can i do? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t do anything about what someone else thinks or does in a relationship but you can take care of yourself. You get to decide what you want in a relationship and what behavior is acceptable.
You might want to take some time to think about what you need and then talk calmly and kindly with him. Ask him questions and listen carefully to the answers without interrupting or reacting negatively. Gather information so you can decide what you want to do next.
The key in any healthy relationship is to be with someone who communicates openly with you and wants to be with you. Remember that you get to decide what you need and how you want to be treated. You’re worth it. Take care.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last week. I definately made the right decision, I had to do what was best for me because I felt like he didn't care anymore. The only thing is, I don't feel that sad, and I can see he's so depressed about it. I feel guilty that I don't actually feel sad about it. I get little pangs every now and again but nothing huge. Is there something wrong with me? :/ — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to feel whatever you feel in any relationship or after a break up. It’s normal to feel guilty or sad when someone is hurt. Any feelings of hurt, sadness or guilt usually lessen over time for both people. Also keep in mind that it’s fine for you to be kind to him or talk with him if you want, as long as it’s clear that you’re there as a friend.
It’s OK to take care of yourself and find a positive relationship that works for you. In the end, it’s also better for the other person because they can find someone who is compatible with them. Remember that you deserve to have confidence in your decisions and date people who are a good fit for you. Take care.
I had an abortion a week ago and I've been feeling depressed about it. The guy I'm seeing is in Korea taking care of his mother (she is undergoing treatment for breast cancer). He calls/emails at least once a day, but I recently sent him a message saying that I felt that he didn't miss me, that I didn't want him to contact me if he's being half-hearted. It's been 2 days, and he hasn't contacted me. He's never done this before. Is he mad or did something come up with his mom? What's going on? — mysharperatio
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s natural to feel depressed when you’re going through challenges in life. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to be perfect and it’s OK to feel whatever you’re feeling and ask for help. The key is to feel what you’re feeling , heal and then continue trying to be the best you possible.
It might be beneficial for you to focus on yourself rather than someone else. Take some time to heal and comfort yourself rather than worrying about what someone else thinks. Perhaps you might consider giving yourself the gift of talking with a therapist. It would give you the opportunity to talk to someone who will listen to you and give you ideas of how to deal with what you’re going through. It’s a way of treating yourself well.
You can also talk with people you trust and spend time with people who are important to you other than your significant other. Once you find some calm and balance and reconnect with your wonderful self, you can think about the relationship part. The key is to take care of yourself and treat yourself well first.
Remember that you’re a wonderful person who deserves to live a great life. Take care.
The Relationship Situation
Rushed relationship help? I’ve been dating this guy for a month and a half now, and I already feel like he’s the one for me, the one I’ve always been looking for, and he said the same without any pressure from me. We clicked so intensely that not long into the relationship, he told me he loved me. Not long after that we had sex. It felt natural to say I love you back to him, and I thought he felt it to, the way he looked at me, felt about me, and how honestly he’d say he loved me, even at random times. He even said he feels like we’ll be together for a long time; I even asked him what he wanted in life, and he replied with what most women dream of: to be married one day, be a great husband, and play with the kids in the backyard. Everything was going great; he wanted to meet my family and did, and he showed off my picture to his family at his Thanksgiving dinner. Not long ago he even had me meet his dad.
He has dealt with depressed girlfriends in the past, and he knows that I am depressed and taking anti-depressants; I have had depressed swings around him, and he has always been there to support me and encourage me and let me know that he thinks of me as a wonderful person. Just recently he’s been giving off this strange feeling, though. He still treats me like a princess, always making sure I’m comfortable, putting me first, even doing little things like randomly buying me coffee and always insisting he pays for dinner. Just this weekend I knew something was off though, because of how he was acting, and soon he admitted to me that he’s feeling as if we rushed things too soon. He still is the one to always call me, occasionally texts me, and seems genuinely interested in how I am doing, but he doesn’t say I love you anymore when saying good-bye. I know he doesn’t have commitment issues, because he’s had two girlfriends who he exclusively dated for 2 years, plus he wanted to meet my family, showed off a picture of me to his family, and even had me meet his dad.
I just feel so hurt and confused. Where will this lead us?
Thank you for reading, I hope you can help me out.
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. People sometimes move at different speeds in any relationship. It’s often part of how relationships develop. A positive way to work on a situation like this might be to take a step back and give the relationship a little room to breathe.
You might consider just spending some time getting to know each other as friends and as people rather than the heavier aspects of relationships like meeting family or talking about marriage. The idea is to just enjoy each other’s company and have a great time getting to know each other without introducing things that add pressure to the relationship.
Perhaps you might think about just hanging out as friends and talking informally. Have a great time and enjoy being with each other. You can even include other friends and just do fun stuff. Keep it informal and friendly. Over time you’ll both start figuring out whether you’re a match or not.
If you both decide you’re a match you can just let it develop naturally in that direction. If not, you’re both still great people. The idea is to just let it happen instead of forcing it. This gives you both a wonderful opportunity to just be yourselves and enjoy getting to know each other. The less you worry about the next step or the final result, the more naturally the relationship will develop. Take care.
