my boyfriend gets extremely mad at me; extremely quickly. Everytime say/do something that makes him mad, he tells me to elave him alone. Some times this can take hours and hours. He tells me that being alone is how he deals with his anger, and refuses to talk it out with me and we end up going to bed upset and waking up upset. Should I leave him? It hurts me so much, but theres a lot of good too. Im honestly torn and just hoping that he'll change but i feel like its my fault for pissing him off. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. Anytime someone has anger issues in a relationship it’s important to be very careful because things can get worse very quickly, as in violent. In a healthy relationship, people deal with their anger in calm and kind ways and are able to talk about things.
You can’t change someone else’s behavior, it’s up to them to heal themselves, preferably with therapy. He deserves to find out what causes his behavior and learn skills to deal with it in ways that don’t hurt him and others. This can only be done through a lot of hard work with a therapist. You can’t do this for him and it has nothing to do with you, it’s about him and how he deals with his feelings.
You might seriously consider taking a break from the relationship so you can take a breath and look at everything as objectively as possible. Think about what the situation does to you and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Take some time to find out how great you are and do things you love. Build yourself up, talk with people you trust and hang out with friends. You might even talk to a therapist as a gift to yourself to figure out what you can do to invite healthy relationships into your life.
It’s up to you what you do but please do some careful thinking and take action as soon as possible. Keep in mind that healthy relationships don’t hurt and that you deserve to be with people who know how to deal with their feelings and treat you wonderfully. You’re worth it. Take care.
The Relationship Situation
I need advice please. a year ago, my current gf and I were best friends and she confided in me that she slept with my ex. she was very sorry and I eventually forgave her- she is wonderful to me and since officially being together, we have a wonderful healthy committed relationship. I took a long time to get over the betrayal though but eventually I seemed to be in a place where I made peace and I forgave. Now though, i am relapsing. Im thinking about it and it hurts so bad.
I find myself thinking about what happened and wondering “how could she sleep with my ex and let that happen?” I am thinking about it now because it is around this exact time it happened. I feel terrible that I am not moving on- I honestly thought I did and I havent thought about it in such a long time, but now I am and I dont want to tell my gf because she might think I am bipolar for saying that i was over it. is my emotions normal? what can I do? (I am also female)
The Relationship Advice
Than you for sharing your situation. You can’t change the past so there are really only two options when it comes to forgiving someone:
- You forgive them and keep the relationship going.
- You can’t forgive so you leave the relationship.
There is no right or wrong answer, it’s whatever works for you. The key is to find a solution that enables both of you to enjoy your lives. It’s very difficult to keep a healthy relationship going if there is always something unresolved that threatens the relationship.
You might find it helpful to think about what really bothers you about the situation and decide what you want to do. If you want to fix it, you might consider talking with a therapist who can help you put the situation in perspective and learn skills to deal with it. You can also talk with her about it as long as the conversations are geared toware fixing things in a positive way that works for both people.
It’s up to you what you ultimately decide to do. Remember that you’re both too important to live with a ghost of things past. You either heal or move on. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where the other person treats you the way you want to be treated. You’re worth it. Take care.
