Relationship Advice Blog

Thank you for sharing your situation. A controller in a relationship is often a person who does things because they feel they have to be in control. This includes behaviors like:

• Telling people what to do.
• Always deciding what’s going to happen next.
• Disapproving of people who don’t do things the “right” way.
• Feeling out of control inside.
• Difficulty doing things the way other people do them.
• Difficulty negotiating or compromising.
• Feeling of anxiety when people aren’t following your guidelines.

The important thing to remember is that people who try to control others do it because they feel out of control inside. If you recognize yourself as doing these things it’s not bad, it’s just that it can create a lot of additional stress and challenges in your life. You might consider giving yourself the gift of talking with a therapist so you can figure out what’s causing the behavior and what you can do to take care of yourself.

The trap of trying to control things is that, the more you try to control everything, the less in control you are. Remember that you deserve to enjoy relationships where you can be the wonderful person you are without having to control anyone but yourself. You’re that important. Take care. 

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide whom you have a relationship with and it’s always a good idea to treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. Age isn’t a factor unless it impacts someone in the relationship negatively. Developmentally, people are at different stages depending on their age, for example, think about what you were like nine years ago.

Perhaps you might think about some of the issues that affect people who are different ages in a relationship and then decide what’s best for you. For example:

• Sometimes the older person knows things the younger doesn’t and can manipulate or take advantage of the younger person.
• The two people can have different tastes in music, fashion, books and other cultural things.
• The two people can have different educational levels.
• The two people can have a different view of the world because they grew up at different times.
• The older person knows what it’s like to be 18 but the younger person can’t know what it’s like to be older, simply because they’re not there yet.
• Sometimes the older person tries to control the younger person or treat them like a child.

Take some time to think about issues like these and whether they exist in your relationship. The idea in any healthy relationship is to make sure you’re in a situation that is positive for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you wonderfully and does the things necessary to build a great relationship. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to pay close attention to how people behave in a relationship because it’s a sign of how they will behave in the future. His behavior has nothing to do with you, it’s just what he does. You can’t do anything to fix it or change it, only he can do that.

The only behavior you can control is yours and you get to decide what you’ll accept in a relationship. You might want to take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. In a healthy relationship, the people treat each other with respect and don’t stand each other up. They’re there for each other and treat each other with kindness.

Take some time to think about what kind of relationship you deserve. Eventually you’ll arrive at a decision that works for you. Remember that you deserve to date people who are there for you and treat you wonderfully. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important for both partners in a relationship to have the same rights and privileges. When one person gets to do one thing but the other can’t it’s usually due to one partner trying to control the other.

You get to decide what’s appropriate behavior in a relationship and it’s especially important to treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. You might want to take some time to think about what’s working and what’s not working in your relationship and what you would do differently. Think as well about what you want in a relationship and what kind of person you want to be with.

In a healthy relationship, the other person is happy that you’re you and supports you unconditionally. Perhaps you could talk with him about what you think and feel. Keep it brief and to the point and listen carefully to what he says. Over the course of a few conversations you’ll be able to decide what you want to do next. Keep in mind that you can’t change his behavior, only he can do that and it requires a lot of effort.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects your needs, values who you are and supports you at all times. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

Thank you for your question. There’s no absolute rules as to what is the ideal age for the people in a relationship, unless one is underage. There are a few things you might want to be aware of that can happen with people who are different ages:

• People of different ages can have different perspectives because they’ve lived a different amount of time. Think about how you were nine years ago and you understand how age changes people’s perspective.
• Sometimes the older person knows things the younger doesn’t and can manipulate or take advantage of the younger person.
• The two people can have different tastes in music, fashion, books and other cultural things.
• The two people can have different educational levels.
• The two people can have a different view of the world because they grew up at different times.
• The older person knows what it’s like to be 18 but the younger person can’t know what it’s like to be older, simply because they’re not there yet.
• Sometimes the older person tries to control the younger person or treat them like a child.

The idea in any relationship is to be involved with people who will treat you wonderfully, value who you are and help you live your life in a positive way. If you don’t see any of the signs mentioned above then it’s up to you what you want to do. The important thing is that you be completely comfortable with the person and make decisions that help you take care of yourself and move in a positive direction.

If you’re wondering what to do then it might be a sign you need some more time to get to know this person. It’s always a good idea to know someone really well before making an important decision like dating them. The thing to always keep in mind is that you deserve to be with someone who really values who you are and treats you kindly. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t control how other people behave but you can control what you do. When someone has been hurt in a relationship it’s up to them to decide when and if they want to continue being with the other person. It’s natural for people to want to spend time to think about things and take care of themselves when something negative has happened.

You might consider just letting him know how you feel and that you’re there for him. You don’t have to say anything complicated or long, just let him know how you feel inside and keep it brief.

Then let go and live the best life you can live. Be a wonderful person and behave in positive ways. Figure out what you would do differently in the future. Pay some attention to who you want to be and what you need to grow and succeed. Treat yourself well and build yourself up.

The idea is to just live your life in a constructive way. If he decides to come back into your life he will. If not, you’ll still be living a positive life. Remember that you deserve to be in relationship where you both treat each other well. Take care.