I feel like I may be becoming "one of the guys" within a group of my guy friends. I know they see me as a girl, but because we are all so comfortable with each other, I feel like that line may be blurred sometimes. I really like one of the guys in the group, and have growing feelings towards another one. I want to keep our friendship, obviously, but I don't want them to lose sight of the fact that i'm a girl. How can I do that? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide how you behave in any relationship and that will affect how people perceive you. For example: If you act like a guy, you’ll be treated like a guy. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want to do next and then have a kind and calm conversation with whomever is involved when you feel like the time is appropriate.

In the meantime, it’s OK to keep getting to know people as friends. A lot of positive romantic relationship grow out of strong friendships because the people know and trust each other. Take your time and keep communicating openly. Ask them questions and listen to what they have to say as well as telling them what you’re thinking. Over time you’ll get a sense for what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated and enjoy healthy romantic relationships as well. Take care.

Nearly everyday I get coffee at my schools coffee shop. One day last week, the guy who usually take my order wrote a note on the side that said " You have lovely smile". What is the next step I should take with this? Should I say something to him the next time he takes my order or just let it go? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do in any relationship. If you’re interested, you can follow-up in some way; if not, then you don’t have to. The key is to be open and clear with the person so you avoid misunderstandings.

You might find it helpful to take some time to think about what you want to do. It’s always beneficial to be yourself, be friendly and move at your own pace. It’s also OK to just get to know someone as a friend before making any major decisions. Remember that you deserve to proceed in any way that makes you comfortable and helps you take care of yourself. Take care.

so i have a girlfriend and i trust her with my life, she means everything to me and deep down i know she would never cheat on me. but she can be very secretive, its usually nothing big at all but she makes it look like its a big deal to get me going. she always asks me before seeing an ex if its ok with me and i always say yes as long as theres other people there. but why do i always get paranoid when she hangs out one on one with another guy even though theyre just friend? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. In any relationship, it’s up to each person to be comfortable and confident with themselves first before worrying about the other person. That’s so they can avoid situations where someone feels insecure or reads into what’s going on.

You might find it helpful to gather more information before you decide what’s going on. Think about what you would like to ask her and then set aside some time when you can both talk about things calmly and kindly. Tell each other how you feel and listen without interrupting or reacting negatively. Talk a few times and learn about each other.

Paranoia is about the person feeling it. It’s up to that person to learn positive skills so they can trust the other person. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter what’s going on, it never goes away. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where both people trust each other and communicate openly. Take care. 

so i'm 21 and i'm still a virgin. not completely by choice, but because my last relationship didn't turn out the way i wanted it to so things didn't happen. now, i have done other things so i'm not completely prude lol but because i haven't done 'it' yet, it's always in the back of my mind when i start talking to someone. i'm talking to someone now and i can't stop thinking about it, and it's really getting to me. i'm afraid of what he'll think or what might happen. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You might find it helpful to approach a relationship as more of a friendship instead of something that has to get serious. You can be friendly and get to know a lot of people without having to do anything you don’t want to.

You get to decide what you do in any relationship. It’s up to you what you find appropriate and what you’re comfortable doing. That means that you get to go into any relationship knowing that you set your own limits and boundaries. It allows you to be yourself and behave the way you want to.

Remember that you deserve to be in enjoyable relationships where you can be yourself, treat yourself well and live a positive life. Take care. 

I have been dating this guy for 14 months now, and we don't really do anything because he is my first real relationship, and I'm scared of doing things.. We don't really get to see each other since he lives on the other side of town, and if we do get to see each other it's in school. At first our relationship was amazing, but lately it just feels like it's falling apart. Like it's just a friendship. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, I really do.How can I make it feel like a relationship again? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide at what speed you want to move in a relationship. Nobody else gets to decide that for you. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What am I comfortable doing?
  • What is working and what would I do differently?
  • What am I doing to make sure I take care of myself and move my life in a positive direction?
  • What do I want to tell him?
  • What do I want to learn about him?
  • What would make me more comfortable?

It’s perfectly OK to move at your own pace in a relationship. It’s also beneficial to talk with the other person. Take some time to think about the questions above and then have some calm and kind conversations with your significant other. Ask him questions, listen to what he says and tell him about yourself. Have many conversations so that you learn more about each other and become more comfortable.

The key in any relationship is to know the other person well enough so that you make positive decisions. Take some time to learn about each other and you’ll eventually know what’s right for both of you. Remember to treat yourself well along the way and trust your inner voice. Take care.

My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.

You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.

You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.

I'm currently dating a guy who i really enjoy spending time with because he's overall a really awesome guy. His the first guy who has been interested in me since my ex and the only guy who has paid me any attention other then friends. I'm not sure how he feels about me but im too scared to ask in fear that he thinks i'll be moving along to fast but i really like him and i want things to move along a little, his always very flirtatious and i don't know if i can trust him but i want too. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to get to know someone well in a relationship so you’re comfortable asking them or telling them whatever you want. You might find it helpful to continue spending time with him and getting to know him. Ask him questions, listen to him and tell him about yourself.

Over time you’ll reach a point where you’ll know him well enough that it won’t be difficult to tell him how you feel. You’ll also be building the relationship as you go along. The idea is to just be comfortable around the person so you can talk about anything.

It’s also OK for you to tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t feel the same way, you’re still the same great person and you can find someone who likes you romantically. If he likes you, then you both get to decide what the next step is. Remember that you deserve to tell people how you feel and be with someone who appreciates the amazing person you are. Take care.