I met this guy back in September and we became very close very fast. He cheated on her with me. He apologized a thousand times because he loves his girlfriend, but things became awkward. I used to be depressed and still have pieces of that with me, so it's really hard for me to come up and talk. He usually avoids deep conversations, but lately he's been trying to get me to spill it the beans. He knows I like him, but I don't know how to approach him anymore. What should I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you want to do in any relationship and it’s also a good idea to pay attention to how the other person behaves. The way he acts now is likely to be how he acts in the future. The only person’s behavior you have control over is yours.

The general idea is to make sure you behave in ways that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You might take some time to think about what’s worked so far, what hasn’t and what you would do differently. Then you can have some calm and kind conversations with him, ask each other questions and listen to one another.

You might also consider making sure you’re as healthy and balanced as possible so you can make decisions you’re happy with. Pay attention to yourself and build yourself up before worrying about a significant other. The healthier you are, the more positive your relationships will be. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively, communicates openly and treats you wonderfully. Take care.

In your opinion/experience, if a guy cheats on his current girl, and goes to be with the girl he cheated with, what are the chances of him cheating on her too? I was the other woman with my boyfriend, and now we are both in love with each other but they say once a cheater always a cheater and I know what I did wasn't right but I don't want to be cheated on. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing you situation. The best predictor of future behavior in a relationship is past behavior. That means that it’s a good idea to make sure you’re with someone who behaves in a positive way and that you do the same.

That doesn’t mean people can’t change, they can, it just takes a long time (months to years) to modify one’s current behavior. The good news is that you can evaluate your own behavior and decide what you want to do to treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You might want to take some time to think of what’s worked for you in the past, what hasn’t and what you would like to do differently.

Remember that you deserve to be in meaningful, fulfilling relationships with people who will treat you wonderfully. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

I’m in love for the first time with an incredible man. For a while I have been struggling with bisexuality and haven’t been handling some things well. I cheated on him after a few weeks of dating while I was drunk with a girl and we worked everything out but it took quite a few months and I felt so horrible. But somehow I’m stupid and cheated on him with the first girl I ever liked. I told him we just kissed but she also did something sexual to me. I didn’t enjoy myself and haven’t talked to her since and don’t plan to. Ever. I hurt him so much the first time and I don’t want to lose him. We are perfect together. Is if selfish of me to alter the story of what happened a little bit and not tell him everything so I don’t hurt him again? I am so confident in myself that nothing like this will ever happen again because I am so happy with him. I just need someone to tell me I did the right thing.

The Relationship Advice 

Thank you for sharing your situation. In a healthy relationship, both people communicate openly and tell each other the truth. Otherwise the relationship is based on something other than the truth, which doesn’t tend to lead in a positive direction.

Perhaps you might take some time to think about your behavior pattern up to this moment and ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • What have I done that worked well?
  • What have I done that didn’t work well?
  • What would I do differently?
  • What work am I doing to change my behavior pattern?
  • What kind of decisions can I make to move my life in a positive direction?
  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What can I do to make sure I treat any significant other well?
  • What do I know deep inside I should do?

You get to decide what you do in any relationship. It’s always a good idea to be as open and honest as possible because it leads to enjoying a positive relationship and living a great life. Take some time to think about what you want to do and then talk calmly and kindly with him. Make sure to listen to his perspective as well and be there for him.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where both people talk openly with each other and work together to fix things. Take care.

Been dating this guy for 2 years with 1 break, we've been doing awesome lately however I recently found he had some really scandalous text conversations with his ex after we got back together. The texts happened like 7 months ago, but they were really terrible, it sounded like an emotional and physical betrayal. I confronted him about it and he said I'm the only girl he's never cheated on and I believe him, I just want to know why he did it and move on but he won't answer me. What should I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you do in any relationship. You might consider asking yourself a couple of questions to decide what you want to do, such as:

  • What does his behavior mean?
  • In what ways does his behavior match his actions?
  • What kind of people do I want to date?
  • How do I want to be treated in a relationship?
  • What does his past behavior tell me about what he might do in the future?
  • What does my intuition tell me is really going on?

It’s important to pay attention to how people behave because the way they’ve acted in the past is likely to be how they behave in the future. It’s up to you to decide if that’s acceptable to you.

The key in any healthy relationship is to be with someone who is open, honest and willing to talk about things with you when you have a concern. Take some time to think about how you want to be treated in a relationship and what kind of people you want to be around. You get to decide whether the relationship works for you. Remember to always treat yourself well and be with people who help you live a positive life. You’re worth it. Take care.

My boyfriend and I will be making two years on January 21 (Next week) Since the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me and kept on until about 7 or 8 months into the relationship and I chose to forgive him, I then cheated on him several times. I know I am not in love with him and I am pretty sure he is not in love with me. I find myself wishing or thinking of being single, I also find myself interested in other guys. How do I let go and why is it so hard for me to let go? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to let go of someone you’ve been in a relationship with. Sometimes people hang on to each other because they’re stuck in a certain behavior pattern, they’re dependent on each other or they feel they won’t have another opportunity to find love.

The key to interrupting this cycle is to choose what’s best for you. You might want to take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. Think in terms of what you need to live a positive life and treat yourself well. You might even consider spending some time alone to find out who you are and celebrate the wonderful things about you. It’s like taking a deep breath after you’ve been underwater for a long time.

In a healthy relationship, the people involved value each other, behave in positive ways and really want to be with each other. It’s really difficult to keep a relationship going if one of the people doesn’t want to be in it. Take some time to think about what you want to do and then talk with him calmly and kindly. Be brief and to the point and listen to him.

Remember that you get to decide what kind of relationship you want and who you want to be with. Don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way as well. Take care.

Im 18, ive recently broken up from a year and a half relationship with a guy. He left me because he wanted more freedom. During the end of our relationship I cheated on him, I didnt say I cheated on him because I was so scared of what would happen. It really hurt inside that I couldnt tell him, now that we are apart I feel like I should let him know, but I am really scared of what he will do, should I leave it and forget about it? or let it out and tell him? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do. Sometimes it’s best to let things end in a dignified way instead of bringing up painful memories that happened during the course of the relationship.

You might think about spending some time focusing on yourself. Think about what worked and what didn’t work in your relationship. Consider what you might do differently in the future. The idea is to learn from the experience so you don’t repeat the patterns that led you to where you are today. Don’t forget to treat yourself well: do things you love, build yourself up and learn about who you are. The more healthy and balanced you become, the more enjoyable your relationships will be in the future.

The idea in any healthy relationship is to communicate openly about things while you’re in it. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you both communicate with each other and you treat each other with care and respect. Take care.

I've been on and off with my boyfriend for 5 years now, he has been the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, the only problem is that I keep messing up, I keep breaking up with him and I recently cheated. I tell him everything, he knows everything I've done. He is perfect but why do I keep wanting to run from him? I have been abused in the past my father and other relationships, is that why? All he wants is to love me, he wont give up. I love him so much as well, I just feel so unworthy. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s very normal for people who have grown up in abusive situations to be tentative when it comes to building a relationship with anyone. This often comes from being betrayed or hurt by someone who they trusted. It’s hard to build that trust again.

You have a lot of power over what you decide to do in life and what kind of relationships you form. You get to choose how you behave and who you invite into your life. You might want to think about giving yourself a gift and going to go see a therapist for a while. The reason for this is not because there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just so you can take care of yourself.

One of the best ways to interrupt the cycle of abuse is to learn how to behave in ways that help you take care of yourself, love yourself and build healthy relationships. That takes time and effort.

You’re an important and valuable person who deserves to be in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares for you and treats you wonderfully. Take some time to think about what you really want in a relationship and what kind of person you want to be with. Keep in mind that it’s always beneficial to move in a positive direction that helps you live a great life. Hang out around people that build you up. Reflect on who you are and learn about how wonderful you are. Talk with a therapist so you can celebrate how amazing you are.

The healthier and more balanced you become the more you’ll be open to inviting the same kind of people into your life. You’re worth it. Take care.