Relationship Advice - The Quick Fix

In any healthy relationship, the people involved are willing to take the time and effort to work on issues together. It’s a long process that requires taking a look at your behaviors and making small changes that will lead the relationship in a different direction.

Many people encounter difficulties in their relationships and try to resolve them with a quick fix. This leads to solutions that don’t last and issues that keep coming back up.

The only way to enjoy great relationships is to practice positive behaviors over time. It’s the opposite of the quick fix and it can take months or years. It’s up to you whether you decide to do it.

My gf and I have been dating for a long time now, and no one, save only a handful of people, know. I want us to be able to tell our families one day with honesty but idk if I should talk with her about this or not. What should I do? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to be open about your relationship. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to figure out what you want to do next, such as:

  • What are the reasons we don’t want to tell anyone?
  • What needs to change so we can tell people?
  • What are we doing that works, what doesn’t and what might we do differently?
  • What are we doing to make sure we’re treating ourselves well and moving our lives in a positive direction?
  • In what ways can we work together to make sure we have a positive relationship?

Take some time to talk with each other calmly and kindly about things like these. As you work together you’ll be building a stronger relationship as well. You can’t do anything about what other people think but you can make sure to treat each other well and help each other succeed. Remember that you both deserve to be in a positive relationship you can share with everyone. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog

The Relationship Situation

I have been dating this guy for about 2 years. We have a long distance relationship but we keep in contact always. He has cheated on me before and we went throught this whole fight and alwasy broke up and he cried and aplogized and we ended up getting past it. Last night when we were talking he made comments like “theres no way you aren’t doing something with another guy you cant be just that commited to me, we havent seen each other in 5 months” and he said it in a laugh-able tone and he was like “if you’re that commited I need to shoot myself” and he smiled and stuff and was like “because someone else does love me”. It sounded like he was just joking around but serious at the same time. I don’t care if other girls like him, but the way that he said everything, is he basically saying he cheating on me again? I didn’t know what to do I just kinda smiled and laughed with him and I was like well I’m not doing anything. What should I do? Were both 18

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to watch people’s behavior in a relationship because what they’ve done up to now is likely to be what they do in the future. The only way to change the pattern is if they work on it for a long time. It’s also a good idea to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s really going on.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want and talk calmly and kindly with him. Let him know what you need and make sure to listen to him without reacting negatively or interrupting. The idea is to gather information so you can make a decision. The more you learn about him the easier it will be to decide what you want to do. Keep in mind that the key is for you to treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

You’re a valuable person and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and is there for you exclusively. You’re that important. Take care.

I was with this guy, he was my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my first boyfriend. He left to college in september, so we had a long distance relationship. We fought. He came back on december, and then he asked me a "time". The time lasted 2 days, and then he gave me an opportunity to change cause I was mean. We said goodbye on saturday and he said me that he loved me. On thursday he told me that this wasnt working, so we broke up. I dont know what to do, do I talk to him? I really miss him. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up. One of the best skills to learn in a relationship is to talk about things. You might think about what you’d like to ask him and what you want to clarify and then talk calmly and kindly with him. Also think about what you want to tell him about you.

The idea in a healthy relationship is to talk with the other person so that you can figure out what they’re thinking instead of trying to guess. Ask questions and make sure to listen to him without interrupting or reacting negatively. Ask him to do the same for you. Learn about each other so you don’t have to wonder what’s going on. If he doesn’t want to talk openly and clearly then you get to decide what’s best for you.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you both communicate well with each other. Take care.

i caught my bf cheating on me for like 3 times. he told me that he realized that were not meant to be and we cool off for a month. he came back and he was asking for another chance to work things out in our relationship. coz i love him so,we tried to work things out. then last night i caught him cheating on me again. im so mad, i dont wanna talk to him but i love him tho. he told me that this will be the last time and hes gonna change. should i believe him? or im just stupid to accept him again? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to understand that love isn’t being with someone who hurts you repeatedly. It’s important in any relationship to let the other person know how you want to be treated. People treat you the way you let them treat you. You might consider what his behavior is telling you, think in terms of what it means when a person cheats repeatedly.

It’s important to listen to your inner voice. It’s the one telling you how to take care of yourself and what you need to look out for. You’re an important and valuable person and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and treats you wonderfully.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. Take some time to think about what you need so that you can treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You might even consider staying out of a romantic relationship so you can spend some time discovering how wonderful you are and enjoying your own company.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and is committed to you. You’re worth it. Take care.

My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.

You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.

You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.

In your experience is it more typical for someone to change to make a relationship work, or for their old habits and vices to continuously work against a relationship? — Anonymous

Thank you for your question. It’s difficult to change oneself without working on it for a long time, often with a therapist. Many people mean well and want to make their relationship successful but keep coming back to the behaviors they know.

An important lesson when it comes to change in a relationship is that it only happens if the person wants to do it. It has to have meaning to them and they have to be at a point where they are ready to do it. No amount of external pleading, arguing or wishing will make a person change permanently. It only happens when they understand themselves well enough to begin working on things.

That means that it’s up to each of us to decide how we want to be treated in a relationship and what behaviors are acceptable. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who values what you need and behaves positively. Take care.