Hi, so there is this guy I'm interested in and he's about 3 years older than me and is not the best looking guy but I'm not the best looking girl either, He plays on the local hockey team and I go to every game, he's apparently been "texting" this other girl who has a boyfriend on his team. I don't know how to build up the courage and introduce myself or spark up a conversation. I just have a hard time with my self esteem and guys don't usually go for someone like me, especially hockey boys. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you want to do in any relationship. Perhaps you might find it helpful to think of approaching him as a friend. Think in terms of just saying hi and getting to know him as if you were making a new friend.

Talk with him, ask him questions, tell him about yourself and find out if he’s a good fit for you. Also make sure you pay attention to how he behaves and whether it’s what you’re looking for. The idea is just to interact in a friendly way and make sure you take care of yourself. Keep in mind that it’s important to be yourself and not try to act like someone you’re not. If he likes you for the wonderful person you are, that’s great; if he doesn’t, you can focus on someone else who does.

It’s OK to move at your own speed and only do things you’re comfortable doing. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to get to know you and values the real you. Take care.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last week. I definately made the right decision, I had to do what was best for me because I felt like he didn't care anymore. The only thing is, I don't feel that sad, and I can see he's so depressed about it. I feel guilty that I don't actually feel sad about it. I get little pangs every now and again but nothing huge. Is there something wrong with me? :/ — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to feel whatever you feel in any relationship or after a break up. It’s normal to feel guilty or sad when someone is hurt. Any feelings of hurt, sadness or guilt usually lessen over time for both people. Also keep in mind that it’s fine for you to be kind to him or talk with him if you want, as long as it’s clear that you’re there as a friend.

It’s OK to take care of yourself and find a positive relationship that works for you. In the end, it’s also better for the other person because they can find someone who is compatible with them. Remember that you deserve to have confidence in your decisions and date people who are a good fit for you. Take care.

There's this guy and he's my cousins best friend we don't really talk all that much but he's a very sweet guy and I really want to get to know him better but we don't live near each other. I've never had a boyfriend so I don't know what to do?!:/ — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s normal to not know what to do. There’s no special thing you need to do to start a relationship, you might want to just get to know him as a friend and go from there. Have some friendly conversations with him and figure out who he is. Tell him about yourself and ask him questions. Listen to each other and learn about each other.

Don’t worry about having to act a certain way, just be yourself. Be friendly and just get to know him as you would a friend. After a while, you’ll know if the two of you are compatible. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who likes the real you and wants to get to know you. Take care.

I have a huge, huge crush on my best friend. I am eighteen, she is fourty-four. We're both girls. I know she likes women too. I feel like we flirt sometimes, but nothing concrete has happened. I don't know what to do. I often crush on people way older than me, so that aspect is not unusual. I just don't know if this is something worth pursuing. I don't even think this is a crush anymore. I had love for her as a friend, but now...I feel a different type a love. Is this even worth my time? — jacmariex

Thank you for sharing your situation. Relationships often change over time. You get to decide what kind of a relationship you want and what type of people you date. The key is to always behave in ways that help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to figure out what you want to do such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want with her?
  • What would I like to see happen?
  • What would I need to do to make it happen?
  • What are the pros and cons of any decision I make?
  • What can I do to make sure I’m taking care of myself?
  • What do I really want to do? 

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll arrive at a solution that works for you. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is a good fit for you and values who you are. Take care.