Hi, my ex of 2 years left me 4 months ago because his parent's made it impossible for us/we argued because of it. He still has our photo's on facebook, I don't know why he hasn't deleted them? We agreed to be friends and he didn't bother when I tried :/ He wouldn't see me because "it would hurt too much" and he'l always "have feelings for me" I'm talkign to a guy i've known for 6 years who I have a connection with, I feel i'm cutting off any last change of my ex coming back? :/ Can you help? :/ — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. You can’t control what he does but you can decide what you want to do. It’s always a good idea to do things that help you treat yourself well and live a great life. You might want to ask yourself a few questions to decide what you want to do, such as:
- What does the way he treated me mean?
- What do I want in a relationship?
- How do I want to be treated?
- What kind of person do I want to be with?
- What worked in the relationship, what didn’t, and how did each affect me?
- What am I doing to take care of myself?
- What am I doing to live the healthiest and most balanced life possible without a significant other in the picture?
- What decisions could I make right now that would have the highest possibility of helping me take care of myself?
Take some time to think about questions like these. Over time you’ll decide what’s best for you. The more you do to build yourself up the clearer your perspective will be. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is drama-free and helps you live a positive life. Take care.
The Relationship Situation
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now, we only see each other at weekends cause of distance. 2 weeks ago we argued and he decided we should ‘go on a break’. We still talked, I asked him not to be with anyone else and he agreed, but two days later I found out he’d kissed someone else. We argued and he apologised but stayed adamant that he’d only promised not to sleep with anyone. Another two days later he decided he had feelings for the girl he’d kissed and broke up with me, we were on the phone for a while afterwards talking and we decided he’d come see me on saturday to give our stuff back. On friday he rang me and said he wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing and that he wanted me back and that we should talk on saturday. When he came to see me he obviously wanted me back but also admitted that he’d seen the other girl again, kissed her and done some other things (but they hadn’t slept together) but that it’d been really weird and that he’d realised that he didn’t want to be with her, and that he wanted to be with me. We’re back together now but I still think about it all the time and it really upsets me, I don’t know whether to talk to him about it because there isn’t much he can do to make me feel better but I also want him to understand how much it hurt me. How can I make myself feel better?
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. In any relationship it’s up to you to decide how you want to be treated. You show the other person how you want to be treated by how you behave. You might want to define what’s important to you in a relationship by asking yourself some questions such as:
- What are the top three things I want in a relationship?
- How do I want to be treated?
- How will I communicate with the other person if things are going the way I want them to go?
- What would it take to cause a break-up?
- What behavior am I willing to accept?
- How do I feel about myself?
- What kind of people do I want to date?
- If this situation were happening to someone else, what would I advise them?
Think about these types of things and you’ll be better able to figure out what you want to do. You might also find it helpful to sit down with him and tell him calmly and kindly how you feel. As always, pay very close attention to what he’s doing rather than what he’s saying. All the words in the world don’t matter if he’s behaving in ways that make you feel bad. Take care.
