My bf has this friend, a girl, who has her own bf but she has admitted to my bf that she wants to be with him and that she won't visit him if I'm around, she'll only visit if it's only them two. I trust my bf but I don't trust her because in my eyes, she has nothing to lose if she tries something with my bf. Now I don't want my bf to stop being friends with her but I'm not sure how to approach him and tell him that I am extremely uncomfortable at the idea of her visiting when I'm not there. — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you think is appropriate behavior in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s OK to ask people for what you want and let them know what you’re comfortable with.
You can’t do anything to change how he behaves but you can observe his behavior and decide if it’s appropriate in your relationship. For example: Think about what it might mean when someone is hanging out with a person who is interested in them while they are already in a relationship. His behavior now is likely to be how he behaves in the future, it’s up to you to decide if you accept it.
You might consider talking kindly and calmly about what you think and feel. Let him know what’s important to you and what you need. Keep it brief and make sure you listen to what he says. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just be yourself and tell him what you’re thinking in a friendly way. When you’ve had some conversations you’ll have more information to decide what you want to do next.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and respects your needs. Take care.
Everytime my bf and I break up he goes to talk to another girl like if they were going out but he tells me she's nothing and that he loves me that he just gets lonly at the time we arent together. Is this okay? — Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s really up to you to decide what behavior you’ll accept from him. You might find it helpful to take some time to think about how you want to be treated in a relationship. Decide what you think is appropriate behavior and then feel free to tell him calmly and kindly what you need.
We teach people how to treat us in a relationship by how we let them treat us. You get to ask him to treat you in a way that makes sense to you. You might also take some time to think about what’s appropriate behavior when someone is in a romantic relationship and when they’ve broken up.
Remember that you’re an important and valuable person who deserves to be treated respectfully and kindly. Take care.
