The Relationship Situation

I have been dating this guy for about 2 years. We have a long distance relationship but we keep in contact always. He has cheated on me before and we went throught this whole fight and alwasy broke up and he cried and aplogized and we ended up getting past it. Last night when we were talking he made comments like “theres no way you aren’t doing something with another guy you cant be just that commited to me, we havent seen each other in 5 months” and he said it in a laugh-able tone and he was like “if you’re that commited I need to shoot myself” and he smiled and stuff and was like “because someone else does love me”. It sounded like he was just joking around but serious at the same time. I don’t care if other girls like him, but the way that he said everything, is he basically saying he cheating on me again? I didn’t know what to do I just kinda smiled and laughed with him and I was like well I’m not doing anything. What should I do? Were both 18

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to watch people’s behavior in a relationship because what they’ve done up to now is likely to be what they do in the future. The only way to change the pattern is if they work on it for a long time. It’s also a good idea to listen to your inner voice, it’s the one telling you what’s really going on.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you want and talk calmly and kindly with him. Let him know what you need and make sure to listen to him without reacting negatively or interrupting. The idea is to gather information so you can make a decision. The more you learn about him the easier it will be to decide what you want to do. Keep in mind that the key is for you to treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

You’re a valuable person and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and is there for you exclusively. You’re that important. Take care.

The Relationship Situation

ive been with my boyfriend for almost 6mos is it bad that i feel like i can never break up with him but i’ve actually thought about it multiple times even my friends want me to break it . we’ve had so many ups and downs, mostly downs because he’s my 2nd boyfriend and obviously i’m paranoid to lose him and i end up pushing him away . hes very experienced and he opened up to me telling me he thinks i’m the one . he knows what he wants and he wants a future with me . we’ve had more than 3 moments where we almost broke up but one of them i somewhat asked him to take me back and i apologized but the rest he apologized and asked to take him back when he could have just let me go and he actually cried one two of those occassions. what should i do coz i think im not sure what i want right now . i feel like i want to explore but i do want to be with him in the future . it’s like what we have now isn’t really happening in the right time .

The Relationship Advice

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to find a relationship that works for you and that also helps you treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to figure out what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What’s working in my current relationship and what’s not?
  • What is causing the on and off nature of my current relationship?
  • What would I do differently in the future?
  • What do I need to do to move in a positive direction?
  • What kind of person do I want to be with?
  • What do I want to tell my significant other?
  • What do I really want to do?
  • What am I doing to build myself up as an individual?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll eventually find what works for you. The key is to be in a relationship that makes sense to you and that feels right. You might also consider having some kind and calm conversations with your boyfriend about what you think and feel. Make sure to listen to his point of view as well. When you’ve talked a few times you’ll have a better idea of what your next step is.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you’re in and how to live a positive life. Remember that you both deserve to be with someone that is a good fit for you and works with you to build a balanced relationship. Take care.

I was with my ex for two years, but he was really posessive and had some anger issues, we broke up and i moved on. My ex started talking to me again and when he asked me if i was dating anyone I told him the truth, he called me every horrible name and made me feel worthless. He apologized a week later and on xmas we started talking again. Well tonight i met a new guy and hes really nice and wants to hang out. But for somereason i still feel attached to my ex, this is really hard. — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to get over someone but it’s never beneficial to be with someone who treats you negatively. A healthy relationship doesn’t include possessiveness and anger.

You have a lot of power in this situation and you can decide what to do next. You have at least two choices including:

  1. Move on and live a great life free from someone who is possessive and angry toward you. Take care of yourself and treat yourself well because you’re wonderful.
  2. Stick around with a person who will continue to be possessive and angry and could easily become violent.

You can’t change someone else’s behavior, only your own. You also can’t wish someone to change, only they can do that. Possessiveness and anger are two major characteristics of abusive partners. Those qualities can even lead to physical violence. He would have to work for a therapist for a long time to work out his own issues. The way he behaves now is likely how he will behave in the future, if it doesn’t get worse.

It’s up to you to decide what you do but you might consider taking a long break from any relationship and focusing on yourself. If you’re having difficulties staying away from a situation like this you might give yourself the gift of going to go see a therapist.

Seeing a therapist means you’re treating yourself kindly and you value yourself enough to seek help. When you talk with a therapist she or he will help you discover what draws you into a relationship like this and what you can do to take care of yourself. Don’t forget to also talk with other trusted people in your life about what you’re going through.

You are a valuable and amazing person and you deserve to be with someone who cares for you in a kind and gentle way, all of the time. Please seek help immediately and keep in mind that you deserve to live a life where people treat you respectfully and care for you. You’re that important. Take care.