Relationship Advice Blog

Thank you for sharing your situation. Going through a break up is difficult and some people have a hard time letting go. They may even go as far as waiting for the other person or staying involved just enough so that the other person doesn’t move on.

The idea in a healthy relationship is to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and is committed to being with you exclusively. That means that the person doesn’t stay in casual or occasional contact, they’re there for you and actively being part of your romantic life. Keep in mind that jealousy doesn’t qualify as committing to be with you.

You have a few options you might consider. One is to have some conversations with him where you ask him a lot of questions and listen closely so you can figure out what you want to do next. Another is to let go and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you. A third option is to take a breath, spend some time alone and discover how wonderful you are on your own.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is willing to commit to being in your life and treats you the way you want to be treated. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard when someone’s behavior changes suddenly in a relationship and it’s difficult to tell what he’s thinking if he won’t talk with you. You might want to ask yourself a few questions to help you find your own answers:

• What is his behavior telling me?
• How do I want to be treated in a relationship?
• What action would be appropriate for me to take based on his behavior?
• What can I do to make sure I take care of myself and keep moving in a positive direction?
• What’s worked so far, what hasn’t and what would I do differently?

Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll be able to decide what you want to do. If you’d like, you can offer to talk with him and then let it go. If he comes around, the two of you can talk; if not, you have the opportunity to move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you.

Don’t forget that, regardless of how he behaves, you’re still a wonderful person. You might find it helpful to focus your energy on building yourself up, doing things you love and treating yourself well. As you live a great life, you’ll attract great people who appreciate the real you. You’re worth it. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog  

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t change what someone else thinks or does in a relationship but you can decide what you want to do. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

• What is my goal? What do I want to see happen?
• What has worked so far, what hasn’t and what would I do differently? 
• What am I doing to make sure I behave in ways that help me treat myself well and move my life in a positive direction?
• What do I want to tell him and how might I do it in a kind, gentle way?

Once you figure out what you want to tell him and what your goal is, you can let him know that you’re available to talk calmly and kindly if he wants to. Then let go and give him time to think. If he comes around, you can have some positive conversations where you both talk about what’s meaningful to you and listen to each other. If he decides he doesn’t want to, it gives you the opportunity to decide what you want to do next and how you can treat yourself well.

It’s also important to pay attention to how he’s behaved in the past, it’s likely how he’ll act in the future. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you both talk calmly and kindly about things, listen to one another and treat each other gently. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you want to do in any relationship. Perhaps you might find it helpful to think of approaching him as a friend. Think in terms of just saying hi and getting to know him as if you were making a new friend.

Talk with him, ask him questions, tell him about yourself and find out if he’s a good fit for you. Also make sure you pay attention to how he behaves and whether it’s what you’re looking for. The idea is just to interact in a friendly way and make sure you take care of yourself. Keep in mind that it’s important to be yourself and not try to act like someone you’re not. If he likes you for the wonderful person you are, that’s great; if he doesn’t, you can focus on someone else who does.

It’s OK to move at your own speed and only do things you’re comfortable doing. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to get to know you and values the real you. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the best things you can do when dealing with a controlling or manipulative relationship is to put as much distance between you and the other person as possible. That means having no contact in any form because you realize that controlling and manipulative behavior can lead to a dangerous situation, including domestic violence.

The key is to treat yourself well and learn from your experience. Take some time to think about what you would do differently in the future so you don’t find yourself in a similar situation. If you’d like, give yourself the gift of seeing a therapist to get some ideas on how to avoid situations like these. It’s also beneficial to let go of the need to follow-up or worry about what he’s doing on Facebook or anywhere else. That’s part of the thinking and behavior that leads to finding yourself in a controlling relationship.

Please consider letting go completely and moving on with your life. Surround yourself with people you trust and keep them informed about what’s going on. Ask for help if you need it and make sure you’re safe. Remember that you deserve to move your life in a positive direction and focus your energy on people who treat you well. You’re worth it. Take care.

Thank you for sharing your situation. You have a lot of control over how you behave in a relationship, including whether you act jealously or not. Jealousy is about the person who experiences it. It can signal that their self-esteem is low or they need outside approval to feel great about themselves.

The good news is that you get to decide whether you are jealous or not. Try the following exercise to interrupt the pattern:

• When you feel jealousy coming on think of a word, action or image or thought that will replace it. For example: If you feel jealous you tell yourself, “I’m great and I’m not going to behave jealously.” Another example is writing down your thoughts and letting them go. The idea is to find something that interrupts your thinking pattern.
• Even if you feel like it’s not working, keep practicing. Do it for 30 days and at the end of that time period decide if it’s working or you need to do it for another 30 days.
• Keep practicing until you don’t feel the jealousy.

It takes time to change your thoughts and behaviors but, if you’re willing to practice a different approach for some time, you’ll be able to change the way you do things.

An additional thing you can do is to make sure you’re the healthiest and most balanced person possible without a significant other. Do things you love and build yourself up. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to feel things other than jealousy. You might also consider giving yourself the gift of seeing a therapist so you can learn some positive skills to deal with jealousy and discover how wonderful you are.

Remember that you deserve to work on yourself and get rid of the jealousy so you can enjoy healthy relationships. Take care.

Relationship Advice Blog