I've been with my boyfriend a few months [we've also been friends for 9 years and are incredibly close]. He is currently going through a divorce. His wife rejected him sexually, picked on his weight, emasculated him and even hit him during fights. We have a close and intimate relationship but I'm concerned. He is very emotional and can be very needy and clingy and paranoid that I will leave him. Will it just take time for him to heal or is he jumping into a new relationship with me too quickly? — Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s really difficult to be involved with someone who is already in a relationship and carries considerable emotional baggage. The major thing to avoid is being the rebound partner, as in, the person who helps him through the hardest times and then gets dumped as soon as he feels better or some other negative outcome. It’s also important to make sure you’re in a relationship where each person supports the other equally, not where you’re the caregiver.

You can’t do anything about how he feels or what he went through, that’s for him to work on. It will take time and effort, preferably with a therapist, for him to resolve his own issues. A positive thing you might consider is focusing on yourself. Spend some time doing things you love and becoming the healthiest, most balanced person you can be. Celebrate who you are and do things that build your self-esteem without a significant other.

In a healthy relationship, both partners feel great about themselves and then create a positive relationship together. It’s a warning sign when someone in the relationship is emotionally needy and requires constant care and attention. It usually signals that the person has things they need to work through.

Take some time to think of what you’d like to do and what would help you treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. You’re a valuable person who deserves to be with someone who is completely available and healthy. You’re worth it. Take care.