Although I’m no longer posting on this blog, it’s still a useful relationship advice resource. Please feel free to search and explore the hundreds of relationship questions and answers on this blog for help on your particular relationship situation.
I want to thank all the wonderful people who’ve had the courage to share their deeply personal situations. I know you’ll find the answers that work for you.
You’re welcome to visit me at http://self-help-ideas.blogspot.com/ where I also help people improve their lives.
Take care,
Guy
Anonymous asked: Me and my boyfriend split up 9 months ago we were together for 5months but were best friends for 3 years. He split up with me and it took me ages to get over him because we lost our friendship too. But he's always in and out of my life he still gets jealous over other boys and always shows me signs he's still interested he says he misses me and that he'll never find anyone like me but doesnt want a relationship yet. I'm so unsure of what i have to do or where to go from here is it worth the wait
Thank you for sharing your situation. Going through a break up is difficult and some people have a hard time letting go. They may even go as far as waiting for the other person or staying involved just enough so that the other person doesn’t move on.
The idea in a healthy relationship is to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and is committed to being with you exclusively. That means that the person doesn’t stay in casual or occasional contact, they’re there for you and actively being part of your romantic life. Keep in mind that jealousy doesn’t qualify as committing to be with you.
You have a few options you might consider. One is to have some conversations with him where you ask him a lot of questions and listen closely so you can figure out what you want to do next. Another is to let go and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you. A third option is to take a breath, spend some time alone and discover how wonderful you are on your own.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who is willing to commit to being in your life and treats you the way you want to be treated. Take care.
Anonymous asked: I've been hanging out/casual dating this guy for a month now, and he's lead me to believe it was going somewhere and that he enjoyed spending time with me. We have a lot in common and I've told him already that I liked him. He went away on vacation, but kissed me before leaving, and while he was gone he kept telling me how excited he was to see me again. The day he got back he started ignoring my texts and messages on facebook out of no where. Any idea what could have prompted this? :(
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard when someone’s behavior changes suddenly in a relationship and it’s difficult to tell what he’s thinking if he won’t talk with you. You might want to ask yourself a few questions to help you find your own answers:
Take some time to think about questions like these and you’ll be able to decide what you want to do. If you’d like, you can offer to talk with him and then let it go. If he comes around, the two of you can talk; if not, you have the opportunity to move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you.
Don’t forget that, regardless of how he behaves, you’re still a wonderful person. You might find it helpful to focus your energy on building yourself up, doing things you love and treating yourself well. As you live a great life, you’ll attract great people who appreciate the real you. You’re worth it. Take care.
Relationship Advice Blog
Anonymous asked: So, Me and this guy got into an fight last night because he got upset that he feels like i don't trust him. A lot of things have happened in the past that would make me not trust him and sometimes i do question him and don't completely trust him. He won't speak to me now and I would like to know what I can do to get him to forgive me and fix things.
Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t change what someone else thinks or does in a relationship but you can decide what you want to do. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:
Once you figure out what you want to tell him and what your goal is, you can let him know that you’re available to talk calmly and kindly if he wants to. Then let go and give him time to think. If he comes around, you can have some positive conversations where you both talk about what’s meaningful to you and listen to each other. If he decides he doesn’t want to, it gives you the opportunity to decide what you want to do next and how you can treat yourself well.
It’s also important to pay attention to how he’s behaved in the past, it’s likely how he’ll act in the future. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you both talk calmly and kindly about things, listen to one another and treat each other gently. Take care.
Anonymous asked: Hi, so there is this guy I'm interested in and he's about 3 years older than me and is not the best looking guy but I'm not the best looking girl either, He plays on the local hockey team and I go to every game, he's apparently been "texting" this other girl who has a boyfriend on his team. I don't know how to build up the courage and introduce myself or spark up a conversation. I just have a hard time with my self esteem and guys don't usually go for someone like me, especially hockey boys.
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s up to you what you want to do in any relationship. Perhaps you might find it helpful to think of approaching him as a friend. Think in terms of just saying hi and getting to know him as if you were making a new friend.
Talk with him, ask him questions, tell him about yourself and find out if he’s a good fit for you. Also make sure you pay attention to how he behaves and whether it’s what you’re looking for. The idea is just to interact in a friendly way and make sure you take care of yourself. Keep in mind that it’s important to be yourself and not try to act like someone you’re not. If he likes you for the wonderful person you are, that’s great; if he doesn’t, you can focus on someone else who does.
It’s OK to move at your own speed and only do things you’re comfortable doing. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to get to know you and values the real you. Take care.
The Relationship Situation
Before the “break” I was in an international long distance relationship for four years. We had met each other for the week in which I had stayed overseas with him. There was never any concern with either of us whether there was infidelity, adultery or anything of that likeness. Our relationship was strong. Communication, and devotion. He made a hold on the relationship due to personal issues he had in his own life. Not being able to support us, or himself as a man. I understood, painfully, and attempted to find my own comforts. Within the many accounts of being used, pushed away, and lack of connection.. I truly began to realize and think I would never love again.. never love anyone but this person. Two months ago he re-entered from the break and seemed to take things the way they were, but realistically since we’re so far apart. In the meantime, I started a close relationship, that seemed to have fallen into my hands. I am not in love with this new person.. what should I do?
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and with whom. Perhaps you might ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:
Asking yourself questions like these will help you decide what you want to do. The key is to make decisions that help you move in a positive direction and enjoy healthy relationships. It’s also a good idea to pay attention to how people have behaved in the past because it signals what they’re likely to do in the future.
Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you wonderfully and helps you live a positive life. Take care.
Anonymous asked: I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half months about 3 days ago, I'm 18 and he's 24. It was a short time, but I really do love him, but he got controlling and manipulative and it was just getting to be too much and too overbearing. I wrote him a note telling him how I felt about him and that I just couldn't be with him, changed my relationship status and picture on Facebook, etc. However, he is still "in a relationship" and talks to all my friends except me. What's his deal?
Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the best things you can do when dealing with a controlling or manipulative relationship is to put as much distance between you and the other person as possible. That means having no contact in any form because you realize that controlling and manipulative behavior can lead to a dangerous situation, including domestic violence.
The key is to treat yourself well and learn from your experience. Take some time to think about what you would do differently in the future so you don’t find yourself in a similar situation. If you’d like, give yourself the gift of seeing a therapist to get some ideas on how to avoid situations like these. It’s also beneficial to let go of the need to follow-up or worry about what he’s doing on Facebook or anywhere else. That’s part of the thinking and behavior that leads to finding yourself in a controlling relationship.
Please consider letting go completely and moving on with your life. Surround yourself with people you trust and keep them informed about what’s going on. Ask for help if you need it and make sure you’re safe. Remember that you deserve to move your life in a positive direction and focus your energy on people who treat you well. You’re worth it. Take care.