The guy I liked aka my friend and one of our mutual friends confessed their feelings to each other and now are unofficially dating. I decided to leave because I don't want to ruin their happiness by showing my unhappiness. The girl is really worried about me now but hasn't spoken to me about it. A part of me wants to tell her the truth without saying that I liked the same guy she likes but I don't want to make things worse for her. I'm trying to move on but I can't. Am I doing the right thing?
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to get over a difficult relationship situation. The general idea in life is to behave in ways that reflect how healthy and balanced you are. One of the characteristics of someone who is healthy and balanced is that they behave positively, even when they’re faced with tough choices.
You get to choose what best reflects the kind of person you are. If you think that sharing the information will help everyone involved then you can do it. If you think it will cause difficulties then you might think twice.
Your other option is to celebrate what a great person you are, regardless of whether this relationship worked out or not. Take some time to do things you love and hang out with friends. Build yourself up. Be the happiest you possible and you’ll attract people who want to get to know you.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you. You’re worth it. Take care.
Relationship Advice Blog
The Relationship Situation
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 months. But he’s so good at not showing his emotions and he never talks to me about how he really feels, sometimes I don’t even feel like i’m in a true relationship. Most of the time i feel like he doesn’t even want to be with me and that I’m doing something wrong. I just really want to know if theres any way I can confront him about this it’s just how he is. Please help!
The Relationship Advice
Thank you for sharing your situation. The way you see your boyfriend is behaving at this time is likely to be the way he behaves in the future. There are a few ways to deal with a situation like this including:
- Tell him how you feel without blaming, attacking, confronting or getting upset. Do it in five minutes or less and then let him do the same. Talk about you, not him. When one of you is talking, the other listens without commenting, interrupting, arguing or reacting in any way. Do this as many times as necessary until you both can talk about things calmly and kindly. This can easily take months of practice.
- Go to counseling together to work on the issue.
- Leave the relationship.
A lot of people have been taught not to show emotion. They may even see it as a sign of weakness to show emotions other than what’s socially acceptable. It takes a lot of practice for people to feel safe enough to share their emotions openly in any relationship.
It will be up to you to decide what you do in this relationship. Think about what’s really important to you in a partner and how you want to be treated. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who fits your needs. Take care.
hey, im 24 and ive being my bf for 2 years now. And we've been on a break about a month ago, before our break Which was three months b4 our break, he started to be less flirty n romantic, i guess its cos our communcation is quite low and i attend to call him alot and Ask him to call me back but, he doesnt. But, when we catch and go out we are strong in love. My question is what and how can i get back to the old bf that he use to be? plz help. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t change someone’s behavior but you can do things that help you both move in a positive direction such as:
- Keep talking with each other.
- Keep listening to each other.
- Share your lives with each other.
- Keep getting to know each other.
- Keep supporting each other.
- Keep treating each other kindly.
It’s up to the two of you to keep building the relationship together so you’re both happy. It’s not just one person’s responsibility to keep the relationship going. You might find it helpful to work together to build two-way communication so you both are on the same page.
Keep in mind that the way he’s behaving now is likely to be how he behaves in the future so it’s up to you to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Perhaps you could take some time to think about what’s working in the relationship and what’s not and make adjustments to make sure you take care of yourself and are moving in a positive direction.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be actively involved in the relationship. Take care.
I feel like even though my boyfriend and I (both in college) have been together for 11 months, I still don't know if he is the one for me. It almost seems as if one week we are happy, and the next he disappoints me. He shows up late to pick me up for dates, has slept through plans on a couple less recent occasions, and lots of time we just hang out at my apartment bcuz he has no money (and doesn't help look for cheap things to do). Is it just me being too emotional or do my doubts have merit?
Thank you for sharing your situation. Your thoughts and feelings always have merit because they’re yours. You get to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Perhaps you’d find it helpful to think about what’s important to you in a relationship and talk calmly and kindly with your boyfriend.
Have some friendly and caring conversations, tell him what you’re thinking and feeling and listen to him as well. The goal is for both of you to understand each other and be on the same page. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is a good fit for you and treats you wonderfully. Take care.
hey , i just recently got a new boyfriend. It started off perfectly but lately he seems distant such as via texts , where we used to talk to eachother all day , now if i start a convosation it just ended straight away. He acts hard and isnt my normal type but i really like him but am i doing something wrong or is this normal for a guy?
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s a good idea to pay close attention to how your significant other behaves. If things are going well and his behavior suddenly changes it usually means something is going on. That doesn’t mean it has to be something negative, just that something is happening.
You might find it helpful to talk calmly and kindly with him to find out what’s going on. Tell him how you feel and let him do the same. Listen to each other without interrupting or reacting negatively, just listen. Learn about each other. The idea is to gather information so you won’t have to guess what’s occurring.
Once you talk with each other a few times you’ll know more about what’s going on and you’ll be able to make a decision about what you want to do. Keep in mind that other people’s actions aren’t your fault, they choose how they behave.
Remember that you deserve to be with someone who communicates openly, treats you well and wants to spend time with you. Take care.
Relationship Advice Blog
I've been dating a guy since mid September, and he still hasn't made me his official gf. I'm ok with this because he lives 5 hours away and and also because I had just ended a 5 year relationship in February. I've been taking things slow because I don't want to end up getting hurt like I did last time, but just recently I've found myself falling in love with him. Should I tell him even though we're not official yet? I mean, I don't want to scare him off or rush him into something serious. Help!!
Thank you for sharing your situation. You get to decide what you need in a relationship and what you do. Perhaps you might think in terms of continuing to get to know him as a friend so that you reach a point where you’re comfortable telling him anything. Have plenty of friendly conversations where you learn about each other and listen to one another. The more you talk with each other the less you’ll have to guess what’s going on.
It’s always a good idea to get to know someone slowly because you’ll be able to tell if he’s a good fit for you before making any major decisions. Remember that you deserve to take your time because it gives you a chance to take care of yourself, get to know him well and figure out where the relationship is headed. You’re worth it. Take care.